My Journey

My dislikes..

2011-12-26T23:49:00.008+08:00

I dislike ... ...

Anyone who fails to put my thing back to its original position;
Anyone who fails to return my thing at its original form;
Anyone who messes up my bed;
Anyone who leaves (especially a she) her strands of hair (especially long hair) in my room/car/table/chair/bed etc;
Anyone who uses my thing without my permission;
Anyone who leaves a stain on my belongings;
Anyone who tries to control me in the name of 'encouragement'/'advice', by dictating a particular method of doing things;
Anyone who forgets what I have said before (why bother asking me in the first place?)
Anyone who complains/gossips, but does not have the courage to say it out in front of the subject; and
Anyone who repeats his/her story/complaint/gossip because he/she has forgotten that he/she has told me the same before (why bother telling me in the first place?).

The Divine Exchange

2011-06-18T12:31:00.001+08:00

"Song name: Divine Exchange

Artist: Abundant Life Ministries

My heart is captivated Lord, by You alone
captured by the awesomeness of You alone
melted by the grace and mercy You have shown
I stand in wonder

I reach to you the one who make the blind can see
who break the chains of sickness with authority
restoring of what was broken
so we may fly again

I live to worship you
I breathe to worship to you
all of my days, your face I'll seek

For as I worship you
You lead me to that place
To that place of divine exchange"

Date: Saturday (11 June 2011)
Venue: Bukit Gambang Waterpark Resort
Theme: Stepping Up Together (Hope KL Family Camp 2011)

At that night, I prayed for an exchange - and I made that divine exchange -
To exchange my heart with God's
I prayed: God, makes my heart breaks of what breaks Yours, and make my heart rejoices with what makes You rejoice.

Prior to the Camp, my leaders spoke to me regarding my 'Passion' for His people and Kingdom - my ministry.
I admitted: All this while, I do not have passion for anything at all, except for the young children.

I pondered and prayed about it.. wondering how to acquire passion for God's kingdom.

Praise God.. I got the answer at that faithful night.

As I listened to the sermon, I prayed and sought God.
And - I made that prayer - the divine exchange prayer, I called it.

Now, I know:

Passion is equivalent to rejoicing when God rejoices and crying when God cries.

Passion in serving God is not a feeling per se, it is about putting ‘LIFE’ into my daily life.

God also told me – Passion is to be built and grown on my understanding about God’s character – which I can find from the Bible. As I dwell and grow in my understanding in God’s words, my passion will naturally grow with the moving of the Holy Spirit in me.

Passion & Knowledge should be cultivated hand in hand.

A blind reading of God’s words will only give me head-knowledge. But, when my reading and understanding go together with the Holy Spirit’s working, passion for God’s kingdom will grow aflame.

And, I want to grow more with Passion for God's Kingdom in 2011.

Ye!

He is the reason I celebrate Easter

2011-04-04T23:50:00.005+08:00

We rode into town the other day, just me and my Daddy.

He said I’d finally reached that age,

and I could ride next to him on a horse that of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting and so we stopped to find out why

There was that man that my dad said he loved,

but today there was fear in his eyes.

So I said Daddy why are they screaming?

Why are the faces of some of them beaming?

Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?

I bet that crown hurts him more than he shows

Daddy please can’t you do something?

He looks as if he’s going to cry

You said he is stronger than all of those guys-

Daddy please tell me why,

why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy

and daddy said I should go inside

Somehow he knew things would get stormy,

boy was he right

But I could not keep from wondering

f there was something that he had to hide

So after he left I had to find out,

I was not afraid of getting lost

So I followed the crowds to a hill

where I knew men had been killed

And I heard a voice come from a cross:

And it said : Father why are they screaming.

Why are the faces of some of them beaming?

Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?

I bet that crown hurts him more than he shows

Father please can’t you do something?

I know that you must hear my cry

I thought I could handle a cross of this size,

Father remind me why,

why does everyone want me to die.

When will I understand why?

My precious Son,

I hear them screaming.

I’m watching the face of the enemy beaming

but soon I will clothe you in robes of my own.

Jesus this hurts me more than you know

But this dark hour I must do nothing.

I’ve heard your unbearable cry—

the power in your blood destroys all the lies,

soon you’ll see past their unmerciful eyes.

Look there below see the child trembling by her father’s side.

Now I can tell you why, she is why you must die.

Why by Nicole Nordeman

Railroad -

2011-03-29T23:48:00.002+08:00

Must life travel like a train?

A train must run on its track to ensure the passengers can arrive their destination safe and sound.

But, what about life?

Does life travel on a railroad? If yes, it must be an unseen one.
My question: If it is unseen, who is able to trace the rail road? Who is able to ensure... the train runs on its track?

A Hole in my Thumb

2011-01-18T17:23:00.004+08:00

How weird it is...

to have a hole in my thumb as a result of the rebirth of my bad habit (which I have abandoned x years ago)... nails-biting

Sigh.. Unconsciously, I bit off a part of nail near the edge of the skin of my thumb.... it was painful, for sure..

But.. things do not end there...

My thumb started to swell... getting reddish... till the pain and numbness reached my palm ...

I can see pus... SxxT.... I got infection.

Visits after visits to the clinic... the doctor had to get rid the pus completely to ensure the infection does not reoccur... As a result, I have a hole in my thumb now..

O dear... what a dear consequence due to a bad habit - nail-biting..

Taking medications - small surgery (if you would consider it) - few visits to change the dressing -

Sigh...

I have learnt my lesson.

宅,也需要计划的

2010-12-26T14:35:00.007+08:00

我超爱宅。
于是，我决不会放过任何一个宅的机会。
每当我看到自己的working-personal-church diary - 有一个空当的周末，我的心是超开心的。

‘Yes,宅的机会终于来了’。

第一，当然我会尽我的能力推掉所有的会约。
第二，就是计划我的活动。看戏？就得‘存货’。看书？就得先买好书刊。
第三，就是必须预备我的饮食。可悲的我，就常常忽略了自己的食物货舱。搞得要花一笔钱-叫Mac-Delivery.

我常常为了要过一个休闲的一天，就得要花钱-还比平时的多。老实说，宅是一个挺花费的嗜好-活动。

可是我就超爱宅。

我想了想-2011 年，我要提高我的planning skill,好让自己不必在宅的当时，花一大笔在自己的饮食。相信这样我就能一边宅，一边少花钱。

毕竟我已工作了，就必须对自己的金钱，家人负起责任。决不能活在自己的世界里。也不能吊儿郎当的花费生命。

可是别误会我-我还是会继续宅-因为我并不把宅相等于吊儿郎当的随意花费生命。
相反，我把宅视为充电的好机会。

好让我能够在律师界里打滚得更好。
好让我疲惫的身心能好好的休息。
好让我的脑筋动的慢点。
好让我与人类能够有些距离，为了我能够用中立的心情，积极的想法-
去处理关系，面对难题，一一的解决问题。

看，宅是多么好！

Porcupine

2010-12-13T21:20:00.005+08:00

I spent some time just now... doing reflection ...

... cracking my brain.. digging out my memory....

Unpleasant memory? Nope... It is the memory that I treasure .... the sweet memory....

I look back .... how God has shaped me .... taught me .... corrected me .... trained me ... by putting different people in my life...

One thing that I realized - Whenever I have the chance, I would run away ...
For I do not want to lose a thing, so I rather not having/owning one in the first place -
ZERO commitment - in all things - total freedom.

I have always kept my circle of life tiny...

But, God kept pushing me out from the zone - by creating opportunities for me to know more people ... and be taught and trained in my character-building and skill-sharpening...

God wants me to know more about myself -

But, I act like a porcupine... Quills on my body will detach when one touches me.
Truthfully, I view others as predators.

I guess that is why God use my leaders in the Church to choose me to take care a group of students in the CG (now LG).

Did I do well? Sadly, I have to say I did not.
I disappointed God.... I disappointed my predecessors. I disappointed a lot of people.

From a handful of sheep that the dental jie-jies have given me... Now, most of them have wandered away.... away from my sight - for good or for worse ... only God knows the best.

Somehow, I am grateful that now a new sister has taken my place. She can do better than me. She has a big heart ... a simple heart ... that's all God is looking for.

Now, looking ahead ... this is one of my prayers for 2011..

" O Father in Heaven ... Please grant me courage ... to take up as what You view as suitable and important for me. Please grant me faith ... to know that all things work for the good of those who love You. And I do love You. Please grant me hope ... so that I trust what my eyes cannot see but to hold on what You have planted in me. Please grant me diligence ... so that I am faithful to You. Please grant me peace ... so that I know I am doing the right things as You view as Right. God, You know what is the best for me. So Lord, help me to grow .... so that when I see you in Heaven, You will call me: "My Faithful Servant".
Thank you, Father. I am grateful and thankful .. for all the pain and losses... and for all the joy and laughter I had in 2010 (and before)....Because I know they are good for me.

Thank you. All these I pray in Jesus' name. Amen"

Finding the Strength to Love again

2010-10-31T21:28:00.004+08:00

I made a prayer just now.

I prayed that God to help me to learn to love His people.

I asked God: If I am created in His image, and surely, I will have the characteristic of His --- the heart to love. My heart should be filled with warmth and love - not icy-cold..

"If I lost the ability (or confidence) to love just because I was disappointed with a few people ---- what about God Himself - when again and again -- generations and generations - of human beings disappointing God. Yes, He welcomes anyone into His House just like a father towards his son."

I want to be His disciple. I do not want to settle down as a Christian only. I want to obey and follow His commands.

I want to be of who the Bible says I am. I want to do what the Bible asks me to do.

Therefore:
If my God is a loving Father;
If my Jesus is a loving Friend; and
If the Holy Spirit is a loving Counselor...

Why should I be afraid to love?

Err... Although I do not know how.. am sure the Holy Spirit will lead me in my daily baby steps with Him. Amen.

Overwhelmed

2010-10-01T04:46:00.003+08:00

A warm breeze brushed against my heart.

A sudden enlightenment struck me............

'I am overwhelmed by the grace of God.

God's love for me is so huge ... so deep ... so wide ... lavish ...

Thus, I must live by His grace... for this life that I have... it's His.

Thus, I must take good care of myself ... for my life is redeemed by His blood on the cross.

Thank you, Jesus, my Friend. You are never too far for me to reach in to You.

Set me F.R.E.E.

2010-08-07T10:47:00.003+08:00

I do not understand...
Why should I put myself in such a position?

When I knew I am allergic to insects bites, I flee from them
Because I do not want to be stung again -
the pain, the itch, the scar - too much for me to bear
So I flee.

But, they told me -
To learn to love
Though I was bitten before
Love them as kids
Because they are children in God's eyes

I am too naive then
I believe it.
But, it is all BULLSHIT!

I took them in as my kids - gently caring for them
I used up my patience
I used up what was in store in me

I knew I could not force them to do what they do not like
So I did not impose my thoughts and expectations on them
Because I could not change them
So I attempted to change myself instead

I put myself in their shoes
I thought - I was considerate
But, I was wrong

Because in the actual world
They are not kids - but adults
They can think - they can do whatever they want

So, what was left
Is an empty shell
With no soul
But scars all over
Inside-out

Why Should I Stand Out there
When arrows are shooting at me

Finally
I told Him
"I give up! I cannot carry on anymore. You said You will not give me more than I can carry, so I am telling You now - I give up! I cannot carry on. Let me go...."

Dreams ------- will you stay?

2010-07-28T13:57:00.003+08:00

When I was a little girl,
I dreamed to be a sailor...
I think it is cool to stay in a cruise - ship...
To travel around the world.

Then I grew older,
I dreamed to be a pilot...
I think it is exciting to pilot an airplane..
To travel around the world.

As I grew older,
Then I aspired to protect my country...
Maybe to be a member of the army - navy perhaps,
Or even the air-force.

At some chances of time,

I want to be a writer or journalist...
To travel to expand my horizons,
To widen my perspective...
To write and touch the hearts of my readers,
About war .... discrimination... social concerns.

But, I chose law - a lawyer
Rather a localized subject/profession

I turned to be a himono-ona
A home-lover

No longer I show concern
to the world community
maybe only the selected few

I am a different person
From who I was.

No longer I like to run in a field
No longer I like to dip in the mud in a jungle
No longer I like to climb rocks
No longer I dare to dream

I am in search for dreams and passions
Before I get myself lost
In myself again

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-19T21:04:00.005+08:00

I came to know the Lord Jesus Christ when I was about 14. I was deeply touched with His everlasting love.

He loves me without demanding anything in return.

He loves me despite what I have done.

He loves me even before I know Him.

He picks me up when I fell to the valley.

He grants me strength so that I can go on greater heights.

Once again, my passion for His name flames.

Once again, I return to my first love.

Once again, I am reassured of His love and mercy... His grace.

Happy Father's Day, My Father in Heaven.

Fly Fly Fly

2010-06-11T11:20:00.004+08:00

It has been awhile since I last blogged.

Not able to post a blog signifies I do less thinking and reflection.

I am now in a break-away mood .. since monday till this coming sunday...

My life will revert to normal from 14.6.2010 onwards. Not so fun, I must say.

But, I am determined to find the fun out of the non-fun life. Well, many times, it is a matter of perspective that changes the whole world. I can choose what kind of world do I want to live in. God gives me the freedom of choice.

He gives all He can, so now I got to use them. (Right, God?)

I was in Penang from Monday to Wed to makan-makan in the lovely island.

I was surrounded with good food, good place to sleep and rest, and most importantly, with my friends (Little Min, Sam, Will and P.San.)

We chatted .. and I thought of a few things.

- Opportunity costs?! (I am still pondering over it....I have not totally grasped the whole idea.)

- Commitment issue??? fear or just too lazy??? (Hmm... It seems that I am quite a Type B person...)

- Love and Pain do come together???? I do not like the feeling to be attached to someone, then he/she needs to leave for good. (sigh.....)

All in all, I love my break-away... Now, I am with my family...

Why am I taking this break???

I want to change...This break away will be my turning point...

Frustration?!?

2010-03-23T16:42:00.003+08:00

Am I frustrated over this?

I have finally finished my pupillage last week. But.. A BIG but..

I cannot file my long call papers due to certain stupid requirements which were communicated to me only a week before the end of my pupillage.

Am I frustrated over this?

Yes and No.

YES because my call to the Bar is delayed.. therefore I will get little pay for more months.

No because I know I am not ready to be called as "Advocate and Solicitor".

How do I feel about this then?

I feel I should look up to God in all circumstances.

When the situation does not look positive, I want to be hopeful.

Of course, I will continue to "fight" for my right to be called to the Bar. In the same time, I will keep praying and preparing myself to be an able and fit "lawyer" for Christ.

Cheers!!!

My Life is a "Bed of Roses"

2010-03-05T18:55:00.006+08:00

The Origin

From Christopher Marlowe's The Passionate Shepherd To His Love. This was published posthumously in 1599 - Marlowe died in 1593.

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods or steepy mountain yields.

And we will sit upon the rocks,
Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow rivers to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.

And I will make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;

A gown made of the finest wool
Which from our pretty lambs we pull;
Fair lined slippers for the cold,
With buckles of the purest gold;

A belt of straw and ivy buds,
With coral clasps and amber studs:
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me and be my love.

The shepherds' swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May morning:
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me and be my love.
Note:
I take life is like a bed of roses.
A beauty of life that lives among the thorns.
Thus, a need to endure the pain of the thorns is necessary to sleep on the petals of roses.
Roses and thorns are best friends.

So, I got to hang on. SELENA..... HANG ON!
Nothing can rip me apart unless I am willing. Cling on God...

Isn't the God that I believe in is a God that gives me strength?
Isn't the God that I put my faith in is a God that shelters me from the storm?
Isn't the God that I love is a God that will open way when it seems like no way?

TRUST HIM for miracle is near.

SMILE for Jesus.

S.O.S.

2010-02-10T13:35:00.004+08:00

My pupillage will come to an end soon ~ next month.

No longer will I have luxury to depend on others. I need to be independent and dependable. I will be a qualified lawyer soon.

Responsibility shall be heavily burdened on me.

Fear is crouching all over me. Even now, I am afraid to fall into sleep. Fear that the clocking is ticking. Fear that the sun is setting. Fear to put on the white blouse.

Now, I say ... ...

"O God, I pray that You will
grant me strength -
grant me wisdom -
grant me quick understanding -
grant me stamina -
grant me a light heart -
grant me a cheerful spirit -
grant me security in You.

God, I believe this is what You want me to pursue. And I know You are a true God. You are my Father. You gave me the best then, I believe the fact remains the same. God, put me in Your arms so that I feel secure. Take away my fear and replace it with love for You, love for Your will and love to be Your vessel. Because, Your Word says: There is no fear in love.

Nothing is ever too hard for You, neither anything is too hard and harsh for me. God, bring me through my days.

Pray in Jesus' name. Amen."

StEp OuT

2010-01-05T13:48:00.003+08:00

Prayer Meeting in Hope KL ~ 4.1.2010

I am blessed, so much.

God spoke.

One thing that God wants me to do: - To step out.

I thought.
I pondered.
I realized.

Due to certain reasons, I am afraid to commit.

I am afraid to draw myself close to people, only the selected few.

But, God spoke yesterday- Step out!

It is time for me to step out; to break free from the cocoon, and I shall see greater heights.

That is God's promise for me for my personal walk in life with Him.

I am grateful ~ .. forever I will be. Amen,

Freedom seeker

2009-12-16T21:02:00.003+08:00

I do not mind .. lack of sleep. Coffee can be my medicine.

I do not mind .. less time to watch anime. I can imagine the scenes anyway if I want. I watched them again and again.

I do not mind .. to spend most of my time by myself. I have commitment-phobia.

I do not mind ... to watch movie alone. I am more flexible to arrange my schedule.

BUT..

I do mind ... complaints that "I do not care enough".
I do mind ... "words of concerns" when there is lack of understanding from the speaker.
I do mind ... "words of encouragement" when there is no empathy.
I do mind ... trespassers.

I am slow to challenge one to give commitments until and unless I feel as he/she feels and I believe it can be done.

Can anyone do the same to me?
Stop throwing suggestions at me.

I have had enough.

Four Estheric Women in My Life (1)

2009-11-24T13:45:00.003+08:00

I grew up in the midst of females.

I shared my life with my mum and three sisters. I attended Convent Girls School.

Though I am stubborn, I am influenced by these four women in my life. Their speech, especially. I adore them very much.

First ... she is Amy.

I first knew her when I came to university. I used to hang around in her house just to talk to her. Though the time that we spent together is little, I treasured what she has said to me.

Through her speech about her life and experiences ...
I learnt to love myself... as who I am ...

She said:" I am a chol-mel. I am driven by successes. I am a workaholic. But it does not stop me from being loving to others and lovable to others. I will be a clown if the atmosphere needs to be lighten up. I will be sanguaine if it is needed."

I learnt to let go ... the "me" in me....

She said: "Of course, when I work alone, I can move faster and achieve higher. But is that what God wants me to do. He wants me to bring others together and taste success together with them. THIS is what God wants us to do and achieve."

I learnt to forgive myself when I let my sheep down.

She said: "In the past, I drove out quite a number of sheep because of my speech. But, it shall not stop me from taking care of my people. I grow."

Thank you, Amy. It is because of your encouragements, I still stay in this Vision. Thank you. And Love you always.

heavy heart

2009-10-20T19:49:00.002+08:00

I have concerns on my future.. on what I am going to do..

Crazy ideas flood into my mind...

- become a teacher in Japan (my favourite country)

- become a teacher in a private school

-work in a cruise ship

- work in an International Organization..

Why?

Maybe I just want to see the world. I still behave like a kid.

Maybe I just want to grow up.

Maybe I just want to leave this place.

Lately, I do not have time to think of these.

Work, is a part of it.

But, the most contributing factor is ----

If I am going to leave, what will happen to my kids in CG?

I know.....

I am here now for such a time as their close mama.... for a reason .. for a divine purpose...

And I am going into your lives. Because I will not be here for a long time. Time is short.. too short.......

Hey kids,

It is time to make a choice - a choice that is going to change your whole life. It is about you and God.

To love and forgive as I love and forgive you

2009-09-02T18:11:00.003+08:00

Second part ~ following Resentment...

During the period of home-quarantine, a friend brought me some books. As I read, a lot of things came into my mind.

Some rebuked and some encouraged me.

Rebuke ~
I have this hidden doctrine buried in my coffin. It is called “the pay back” doctrine. It means “I will pay back thrice of what you did to me”.
I know that I can be vengeful and dangerous if I am not careful.
Since the day I become a Christian, I do not practice “the pay back” doctrine outwardly. However, I did think about it. The Bible says, even if I think of doing things that God forbid, I am actually sinning against God.
Therefore I am not totally out of “the pay back” doctrine.

God spoke.
It struck me.
I thought about it.
Fear overwhelmed me.

“What if God practise “the pay back” doctrine?”
Answer: I am dead. Since long time ago... ...

There is a passage in the bible about a master who forgave a servant who could not afford to pay his debt owed to the master. It was a big sum of money, yet out of compassion, the debt was written off by the master. However, this servant did not show compassion to another person (a servant too) who owed him some money. Instead of having compassion towards this person, the wicked servant threw him into prison for failing to pay the owed money. Soon, the master knew about this matter. The master was furious and the master decided to take back what he belonged to.... i.e. the money that this wicked servant owed the master. Since he failed to pay, the wicked servant was ------ (you can guess the ending or perhaps, you can flip your bible and look for the passage)

This passage struck me – hard!
Am I the wicked servant?

God loves the world.
God loves everyone.
God loves me.
But God loves you too.

Then, how can I not show compassion and love towards you when I receive the same from the Master who give me what I do not deserve in the first place? The Forgiveness.
What He has given me, He gives you too.......

Resentment

2009-09-02T18:05:00.002+08:00

I do hold resentment.

When I first stepped into the University, people looked down on me... because I came from Matriculation College. They looked down and to a certain stage... they made fun of me. When I first got my result in my 1st semester, I barely passed. There, the jokes worsen. Well, they merely got C+ while I got a C. Better? Of course, only barely, I will say. Not good enough, I must say.

A part of me, I wanted to tell them: Stop making fun of us. We worked hard in our own ways. We need to bear with the treatments as a minority in the College. Of course, I was so blessed that my lecturers and friends of other religions loved and cared for me. But, would my University friends know I once fell down and forced to bow down on the fate of being a Chinese? Friends in the College were asked, whether they would want to succumb under a Chinese when I am just of the minority group? God, He was my helper then. He helped me, to go through the moments. I made my way into the College and out the College. God used me tremendously in the College. Therefore, I never regretted the fact that I came from Matriculation College. I had good friends and lecturers. God knew my financial situations. I could never have the money to go for tuition classes should I take STPM. Perhaps, I would be a great burden to my family. God knows.
In the University, God blessed me all along. My prayer was: God, You bring me here, You shall bring me out. When I was 17, You said: Let your light shine before men that all men will see Christ through you. Please let it come to past.

Resentment became one of the motivations to work hard and pray hard.

Throughout the years in the University, my grades improved. I represented the University. I was a former Law Soc Committee.

Price to pay?
Those who cared and supported me, become my best friends.

Those who looked down, no words were said. Gradually, we become Hi-Bye friends.

There were a few, that I tried to be close with, but somehow, they just avoided. I could not care-less. Relationship-building is a choice of two persons. I gave up then.

There are some who pretended to forget what happened in the past. They tried to start with a clean-slate, sorry for I smelled mala-fide, therefore I shall shun away. It is my choice.

~~ My thought on 30 august 2009 when I am home-quarantined from 28 to 30th august 2009~~

LG: Life is Good

2009-08-06T20:03:00.002+08:00

At times, it is easy to ask : How are you?

But do we really care for an answer?

No longer will I think deeper for a reply to "How are you?".

Not looking deeper to search into my heart to truthfully reply to the question.

Almost immediately, I will say: "Life is good" without much thinking.

I feel, even if someone asks "How are you", he or she may not even ask to get a reply. It's all out of courtesy.

It is a question not meant to be answered.

Am wondering about...

2009-07-29T13:54:00.002+08:00

I am still looking for God's will in my chambering .. and even in my career.

God,

You called me to the profession.

I am now graduated but I am lost.

I am wondering and looking for You. But I cannot see You.

Honestly, I feel insecure. I feel that I will not have victory without You in where I am heading on and what I am doing.

I need You.

Let me find You.

Hallelujah to God!

2009-07-23T23:06:00.001+08:00

Hallelujah = Praise God

We make it a point to greet our friends “Hello” when we meet them.

What about when we meet God? How do we greet Him?

I will say “Hallelujah” because His love for me is so much that I felt I am loved in every area of my life.

I will say “Hallelujah” because His love is so rich that I never feel in lack of anything.

I will say “Hallelujah” because His love for me is so deep that I know He never leaves or forsakes me.

I will say “Hallelujah” because His love for me is so wide that He loves me even when I was in my mother’s womb.

I will say “Hallelujah” because His love never fails me.

So, have you met God today?

If you meet Him, do you greet Him?

A law Student v. A Chambering Student

2009-07-18T14:25:00.004+08:00

Both are completely different.

Nope. Not devastating at all.

The latter is strenuous, that's all.

Desperately, I know I need to grow up.

I am growing up. Seriously.... but, it is not fun at all.

Time spent in the firm is endless. It is always work... work... work... I like my work

It's just.... lack of the fun part.

What I mean as fun is....

I can be stupid....
I can laugh out loud...
I can curl up and watch anime/drama or read manga/favorite novel till dawn.
I can chew food while doing my reading.
I can take my bath when my brain is clogging up.

Well, it is hardly possible for me to do so in the firm.

In the past, I would only spend couple of hours in the lecture hall and tutorial rooms. Then, the rest of time was mine. I could do what is necessary in a short span of time. Of course, in the midst of hard work, there's always the "fun". The fun was my fuel.

Now, I need to find alternative source of energy to keep me running.

p.s. I have not fixed an internet connection in my house. So, now I am in the Law Library after failing to catch a movie "Harry Potter". When I reached the cinema near noon, the queue was crazy. Still I hope I will get ONE ticket until I heard the attendant announced : Harry Potter for xx time is completely sold out.
Fuming....... because I reached Mid too late.

Now, browsing the news and manga.. to catch up with what I miss.

Then, off to church for Students' Service.

Salut. Ciao.

For SELENA: Live with Jesus, Live for Jesus. (Live it out. Perhaps I will find my ultimate source of energy)

O O O O O oooooo O O O O O

2009-06-26T13:36:00.007+08:00

It has been around one month since I last updated my blog.
Why?

1. I do not have internet connection at home.
2. I still do not have internet connection in my present residence (PJ)....

Please, housemate.. when are we going to fix one wireless????????????? I am dying... I am drying up.... dehydrating... disintegrating......

3. Blogging in the firm.. seems unethical.. (although I am doing it now.. I redeem my conscience by telling myself I can only surf the net before 9am or during lunch hour.... hope my firm will buy this...)

4. Weekend.... I long to surf the net in the cafe.... BUT! I end up spending last weekend in Port Dickson.. (Nope.... I did not dip myself in the water. It was sufficient since I have put my feet on the sand)

5. My spirit, soul and body are not coordinating well. Hence, I do not have any particular insticnt to blog. Perhaps, it is due to the fact I am still observing certain things that are happening around me at this moment. As soon as my observation completes, I will draw my conclusion. Then, my instinct shall return to its cosy home.

By the way, my life still fills with anime.. Currently watching Kuroshitsuji.

And I finished watching Prima Passo.... I long to pick up a musical instrument and seriously learn how to play... Again, thoughts without actions.... are as well as NOTHING at all. So, I dare not think anything about it now. Else, SY.W will ....... God knows what she will say..

That's all.

I got to finish my lunch box now. Work resumes in 2 minutes.

Salut! Ciao!

Willingness to be a vessel for God v. 天时，地利，人和 (At the right place at the right timing with the right environment)

2009-05-25T20:37:00.003+08:00

One leader said: God wanted to conduct a spiritual cleaning since ages ago. God only has the opportunity when Elijah was willing to give himself to God. Elijah went into a ‘fight’ with 450 prophets of Baal. Elijah won against the false prophets. All false prophets died on that faithful day. (refer to I King 18: 16-40)

I often thought that God has this plan in His mind for that time at that place. Then He searched everywhere for that “Person” who was willing. Elijah was willing, hence he became the Person.

It never occurred in my mind it was the other way round. The leader explained that it was due to Elijah’s willingness to be God’s vessel that this cleaning could be done. What came to my mind after I heard that was: God does not care of the right timing but right person.

Now, my thought is different.

As long as a person comes with a correct heart attitude, God can use him for His mighty plans. The environment shall become right too. It shall become the right timing at the right place. God does not depend but is able to create the surroundings.

What matters to God….. is the heart of men. God can create the rest. Nothing is too hard for God. But God shall never force a man.

How wonderful my God is.

To decide....

2009-05-12T23:47:00.002+08:00

Sigh...

This is a tough period.

Once I am out of law school, I am thrown to make decisions... important decisions.

A new house

A place to do my chambering

Furniture that I should and should not buy

To take a driver license now or later

... ...

Decision... is an object with a price attached.

Every decisions that I make... I need to pay the price.

Guess, that is the reason why I do not like to make decision.

S.O.S. GOD! Help me to make wise decisions. I will live with them as long as they are Your plans for me.

Be practical if you mean to help

2009-05-05T08:52:00.004+08:00

I am currently reading on the book of Job for my daily devotion. As I put myself into Job's shoes, I cannot help my self but shout-out-loud in my heart..... 好无辜 o!

Job was put to test.

The Devil bid that Job feared of God because God blessed Job in all areas of his life. In order to prove the Devil is wrong, God allowed the Devil to do all he wants to prove himself, with the condition the Devil was not allowed to lay his finger on Job's life.

The calamity begun.

In a day, Job lost all his children and flocks.
Yet, Job remained faithful to God.

Job 1:20-22 (New International Version - UK)

²⁰ At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship

²¹ and said:

Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.

²²In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Skin for skin

Dissatisfied, Devil cast painful sores to Job's entire body.

Job 2:9-10 (New International Version - UK)

⁹ His wife said to him, Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!

¹⁰ He replied, You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble? In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

The real challenges begun ~

For myself, I think the most unbearable thing is when you are in the midst of trouble, you do not receive the supports that you need.

I believed nothing is too hard to endure if I have supports from those I hope I can receive from. May it be family or/and close friends.

I believed in times of trouble, I need someone who can share with me on how to overcome, not ever-lasting critics on what should I be doing so that I will not fall into the current situation.

Come on, your words can only be applied if I can turn back the clock. But, in reality, I can't. So, if you mean to help, be practical so to speak.

Job's acquaintances..

Continuous judgments overflowing in their speech.
Instead of helping Job to stand on his feet ....
Instead of encouraging Job because he has lost everything except his life ...
They judged Job.

First, who are they to judge?
Second, do they have authority or knowledge to do so?

NO!

God revealed...

A conversation took place between Job and God. Job remained humble before God. And God is pleased with him.

God is just. He will not let His faithful servant be intimidated any longer.

God spoke to Job's acquaintances.

Job 42 (New International Version -UK)

Epilogue

⁷ After the LORD had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.

⁸ So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.

⁹ So Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite did what the LORD told them; and the LORD accepted Job's prayer.

¹⁰ After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.

¹¹ All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought upon him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring.

¹² The LORD blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys.

¹³ And he also had seven sons and three daughters.

¹⁴ The first daughter he named Jemimah, the second Keziah and the third Keren-Happuch.

¹⁵ Nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful as Job's daughters, and their father granted them an inheritance along with their brothers.

¹⁶ After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation.

¹⁷ And so he died, old and full of years.

Stay Safe v. Secure in the Lord

2009-05-03T19:50:00.004+08:00

Throughout my years in uni, I tried as much as possible to stay safe.

I was careful on the decisions I made.
I took the options that offered the least risks.

I am:

A conservative fella;
A studious student;
A himono ona;
A church-goer.

But, now, I know ... in order to grow, I must change.

I must learn to be secure in the Lord.
I will still continue to do what is right in the eyes of the Lord, but now,
to move to
A new sphere......................
A higher lever.....................
A different mindset............

To prepare myself......
To fly

Rainbow for my little sad day

2009-04-24T08:59:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, I get to know one terrible truth..

True enough it set me free from another dilemma that I had...

But, I need to keep telling myself .. Move on.. life moves on... So keep the lesson AND move on....

Yet, somehow, I still cling on it. I cannot let go.

I woke up this morning ... Tired ... perhaps I am not feeling well or there is certain thing that I want to avoid to think of.

I decided to listen to one of my favorite CD - Hillsong kids - Super Strong God

As I listen, I am more convicted that I want to explore Children Ministry ... perhaps to allow it to be my life ministry.

For now, these songs ...

All I Need Is You/You Are My World :
Chorus 1:
You hold the universe, You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe, You hold and You hold

Psalm 139:13-18 (New Living Translation)
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—and how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I am even born.
Every day of my life was recorded in Your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, Oh God.
They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up in the morning,
you are still with me!

Chorus 2:
All I need is You, All I need is You Lord, is You Lord

Chorus 3:
You are my world, You are my God
And I lay down my life for You
You are my world, the One I love
No one could ever take Your place

[ All I Need Is You/you Are My World Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

and

I Love You :
Verse 1:
You gave a Son to save the world
You gave us love to show all the earth
We lift our voice to the sky, singing praise
Your Name on high

Pre-Chorus:
You make it seem like it's all a dream

Chorus:
I believe You created me and everything that I can see
I'll follow You in all that I do, I love You

Verse 2:
I give my heart all to You
And everything that I do
I understand Your Word for me
Your holy power has set me free

Verse 3:
The sun will rise the night will fall
And in the end You know all

[ I Love You Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

They cheered me up.
They told me .. I can find rest and confirmation in God.
They whispered... I am God's wonderful creation.

I am free in God.
I do not have to dwell in my failure.
I do not have to dig a hole to hide in.

I have Jesus in my life...

Is there anything too hard for Him?

NO!

A time to remember 2

2009-04-23T07:36:00.014+08:00

Once, I watched a video.. by an unknown maker. It is about his life as a law student. I like the video very much, the song especially.

I find it amusing.....~~. the singer sang:

Before I came to law school, I do not have gray hair. Now I have gray hair. All thanks to law school.

When people ask "how is law school" I need to answer something other than (see his thoughts in his mind above)

One L, Life is hell..

In short, his life in the law school is hell. (pity him....)

But, in my law school ~ It is wonderful, exciting and warm.

My friends are great, talented and cute.... (Well, when it comes to serious works, some of us become demanding of course... simply inevitable ~ e.g. Selena ^^ me)

O God, "thank you" cannot express my deepest gratitude for sending me here, putting angels around me (OK.... a couple of evil people too). This is the greatest school where I am built up in maturity in my thoughts, character and knowledge. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

(Have to get back to notes ~~~~ french exam this saturday.. ~~~ salut! ciao!)

Memory Power - Charging ~.~.~.~

2009-04-20T08:38:00.013+08:00

Exams are coming - SOON.

For the past few days, I have been "repackaging the data" (reorganizing short notes).
Today, I shall start inserting data into this bank of info of mine (the BRAIN).

~~ Sigh : I don't really memorize things. So, the brain is not used for this function. Now, the speed of transferring (XX GB) data from paper to my brain is rather slow. Guess, my brain needs to warm up.

Brain, Brain - I only allow you to warm up for another half an hour. Then, you better give me your best. Or else ~~~~ seriously I don't know what else I can do.

脑子，你就乖乖听话吧！

O God, Please .... move Your hand and anoint my brain .... to improve the capacity and efficiency. Amen.

Repackaging -From this
To this

To this
To this - 2 folders(of course with ~~~ 40 pages (one-sided A4) per subjects)... not that bad..

( Am I not treating you good, Brainy???)

So,

Brandon Heath - Give Me Your Eyes (Lyrics)

2009-04-18T05:49:00.006+08:00

Looked down from a broken sky

Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me Your eyes for just one second Give me Your eyes so I can see Everything that I keep missing Give me Your love for humanity Give me Your arms for the broken hearted Ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten Give me Your eyes so I can see Yeah Yeah yeah
yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work
He's buying time
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared?

Chorus
Give me Your eyes for just one second Give me Your eyes so I can see Everything that I keep missing Give me Your love for humanity Give me Your arms for the broken hearted Ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten Give me Your eyes so I can see Yeah Yeah yeah
yeah

I've Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way You see the people all along

Chorus (x2)
Give me Your eyes for just one second Give me Your eyes so I can see Everything that I keep missing Give me Your love for humanity Give me Your arms for the broken hearted Ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten Give me Your eyes so I can see Yeah Yeah yeah
yeah

Note:

This is one of my favorite songs. (You can watch it from youtube (as shown at the bottom of my blog.)
This song means a lot to me. It becomes a song in my heart.

Well, I am graduating soon. I do not want to get drown in the sea of works per se. I am looking for something more..... far beyond.

I want passion.

Passion that will drive me for the right cause.
Passion that will drive me to move within the thorns of life to accomplishments.
Passion that will drive me to a purposeful life.

I pray:

God, please give me Your eyes so that I may see those You love. Please speak to me so that I can reach out to those You love. Life is short and I do not want to be a passer-by. I want to be Your vessel.
You bring me here and throughout the years, You are faithful. You never forsake me. Years ago, I made this prayer: "This degree belongs to you. I belong to You. Lord, please take Your ownership." Now, even my career belongs to You. I want to be Your vessel.

Let Your will be done, not mine. Amen.

Dawn - the best time in a day

2009-04-16T07:47:00.011+08:00

Ohio.

I am not a nocturnal. Hence, I only stay awake through the night(s) when the work to be done is URGENT.. SERIOUSLY URGENT (^^ that includes urgency to finish reading a good book or watching a good drama series)

Anyway, that is the not the main issue.

There are a few reasons... why I love dawn:

1. Silence.
- Believe it or not, maniac laughter only exists in the middle of the night. NOT DAWN.
- So I prefer to do my devotion, take my breakfast, read in the dawn.
- Inspiration, understanding, effectiveness, efficiency .. are better in the dawn.

2. Food.
- I do not feel guilty to eat loads of food from dawn till morning.
- Reason : I am still hours away from my sleeping time.
- No worries for my organs because they do not over-work.
(As for this morning - scary ~ I took : Bread, coffee ... two hours later.. instant noodles and a glass of not-cold-100 Plus ~)

3. Jog.
- Less people on the street ... jogging.
- Less car traveling.
- Of course, for safety reason, I will only jog when the sun rises ~ around 7 am.
- Still, I seldom jog..... (once I take my position ~ comfortably sitting with my books/laptop... I do not want to leave this place ^^)

4. I have more hours - personal time especially
- Illusionary perhaps. But, I feel I accomplish more things when I start my day from the dawn.
- and Less disturbance (or interruption from others)

Pain in my ears

2009-04-15T09:49:00.005+08:00

Honestly, I am quite irritated upon hearing someone talking bad about her friend yet the speaker maintains a "friendly" attitude to the subject of gossip. Worse, if repeatedly telling the same thing to different groups of people.

It is a pain to my ears.

I will just conclude : O Gosh, this person .. not trustworthy, or O Gosh, this person is a hypocrite.

The bible says:

Proverbs 20:19
A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.

Proverbs 26:22
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts.

1 Timothy 5:13
Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.

Proverbs 11:13
A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

Few weeks ago, I was talking with a few church friends on what amounts to "gossip".

(just for reference)
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary says:
1. a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others, 2. rumor or report of an intimate nature.

For myself, I ask: Does it need to fulfill both actus rea and mens rea?

Actus rea:

talking on something bad about: a) a person, b) a country, or c) an organization - whom the speaker and/or listener has no interest in.

Mens rea:

the speaker does not want to do or is not doing anything to improve the situation.

Basically, I will say: "Gossip" is to say negative thing(s) which the speaker is not going to do anything about it.

I will include a talk regarding news and politics which the speaker is not planning/doing anything to improve the situation as GOSSIP.

I know some will say: Selena, you are going too far.

Sorry, If you are not doing anything about what you are talking about, stop the crap.

You will just turn into those people in the coffee shop - sipping coffee and talking on anything under the sun.

or,

You will be those women standing by the gate/wall/any place in fact - chatting with anybody next door/passerby of the "big news" going on around the town... a.k.a. radio of the neighborhood.

Perhaps, people will just conclude "Selena is one who does not concern of anything."

Well, is not that I am NOT concerned of anything. It is just: Action speaks louder than words.

I prefer:

Speak and act.*
Speak, then act.**
Act, then speak ****

In a nutshell, WALK THE TALK.

Bad Hair Days

2009-04-15T09:26:00.002+08:00

My hair is in super-bad condition.

Split endssssssss.
Some strands... get thinner at the end.
Dry.... Dry.....
Maybe.. due to lack of nutrition.

Yikkkkssssssssssssssss.... Felt so terrible.

DH. Yan: Perhaps .. due to lack of sleep... increasing dosage of pressure..

Arrgh... soon... I will find a "doctor" to cure my hair.

Right now, tie it up so that I don't have to see/touch it.

Keyboard-back to normal

2009-04-13T15:18:00.004+08:00

Glad..

I am so glad..

After some explorations, finally, I discovered the reason behind all these commotions.

~ Well, apparently, I pressed Fn and F11 simultenously this morning. (Hmm.. I do not know when did I do it) Thus, certain keys are locked.

I am glad my laptop still useable.

However, due to faulty in my early diagognis, a lot of documents and program files were thrown away. @.@ Anyhow, I am still glad and thank God for this.

(I was actually thinking to buy an external keyboard.)

Yipee.... My life .. revert to normal mode...

keyboard-went crazy

2009-04-13T12:49:00.002+08:00

I am totally crazy now.

My keyboard wentcrazy.

Thought it was under virus attack.

But,turn out -- is the problem of hardware.

O dear, thank you for on-screenboard.

Still i hate to click on the small boxes.

SAVE me........

Heavy Downpour

2009-04-12T21:49:00.005+08:00

Rain falls

Rain falls to wash the earth
Rain falls so sad one's know they aren't alone
Rain falls to make us new
Rain falls to let us have fun frolicking
Rain falls so that we know we can have a fresh, clean, new start too
Rain falls so that we believe everyday can't be perfect
Rain falls
Rain falls
Rain falls

by Bethany Unknown

Note:
The weather is so cold that I have to wear a scarf now to keep myself warm ^^
Hmmm... Am really hoping S.W. Cat and DH.Yan will accompany me.. frolicking in the rain before the semester ends.

PP_trial

2009-04-12T06:14:00.006+08:00

Sleepless nights...

Tiring days...

Continuous works...

Between Demonic & co and J. Daniels Li-Quer & co

It's worth it..

Last Lecture

2009-04-12T05:54:00.006+08:00

Not dramatic;
Just filled with joy.

Pradeep : Good things must come to an end.

Soon after lecture, the right and left wings went out for dinner at Tappers.

(Food ~ Fair; Atmosphere ~ Good (though it was little warm) ^^- Thanks to Richard for this suggestion..

Good Friday (4) - Easter Day

2009-04-11T11:41:00.002+08:00

Enough said of solemness of Good Friday ^^
What about the joy ^^??

Good Friday marks the downfall, as well as a rising hope ~

1. "trust" - How Mr. J obeyed His Father in Heaven even to the cross, to bear the sins, signifies we can trust on His faithfulness and forever-love to the world (you and I)

2. "fame" - Mr. J is the most famous person in the world. His fame... spread around the world, even to the ends of the earth, out-stretched to all generations.

3. "Integrity" - Mr. J is a blameless Lamb of God to pay the price of our sins. He is a man of integrity. He is the most suitable, and the Only One who can pay the full price.

4. "Hope" - Hope is revived when Mr. J was risen from the death.

CHEERS!..
He is a living God.
He has redeemed my sins.
He forgives me.
He gives me a new life.

Good Friday (3)

2009-04-10T12:26:00.005+08:00

How God moves in my sister ~ now ... impacts me.

Commonly - generally known to all, Selena has her way to tell people "She is not feeling good. Stay away from her." But, her sister (my sister) knows this has to be changed.

We have wonderful chats in the MSN. (thanks to techno!)

The followings are what I received from our MSN.
They serve as reminders to me. And hope to you too ^^

My personal honor is higher than my emotional moods.
I am the creator of circumstances, not creature of circumstances.
I am in charge, therefore I shall run forward - lead and make a difference.
It is a battle of minds. This is a call to discipline my mind. What is in my thought is important. I shall think of what is pure, holy, true, praiseworthy, good thoughts, noble, right, lovely, admirable, excellent. (Philippians 4:8) These will breed good result.
I need to see through the darkness. Reasons? simple.... 1. The road ahead is clear. 2. Jesus is in front of me. He is waiting for me there. 3. I just need to go through the fog.
Put God in the center of my life. How to do that? again.. Simple. 1. Move forward although the road ahead is twisted and divided. 2. Self-evaluate and I realize God is leading me / has led me to this place by His Holy Spirit. 3. All I need is the fuel - FAITH. 4. Keep in my mind that Jesus is always one step ahead of me. He is waiting there to guide me to the next point of life.
I will FAIL if I DO NOT DARE TO FAIL.
I just need to keep moving.... MOVING FORWARD.

Jesus' unconditional love is my source of faith. Though not easy, He still walked up to the cross for you and me. Thus, I cannot let Jesus walked to the cross in vain for me.

This is what Good Friday means to me this year.

Good Friday (2)

2009-04-10T09:09:00.003+08:00

Good Friday, what does it mean to me?

It is indeed a solemn day, marked the downfall of humanity on the day itself-

1. "trust" - Betrayal of one person to his Rabbi.
2. "fame" - Jealousy aroused when people turned to the One called "Messiah".
3. "Integrity" - Challenged when the Teacher exposed the nature of the Pharisees and teachers of law
4. "Hope" - Crushed when He was crucified to bear the shame/sins.

Good Friday (1)

2009-04-10T08:56:00.003+08:00

Waking up with an SMS - noting "It's Good Friday today. Let's observe a day of solemness to meditate the impact of the suffering of Jesus endured-till Death for us.

Read:

Luke 22: 39 till 23:56 and John 19."

Luke 22: 39 till 23: 56

Jesus Prays on the Mount of Olives

³⁹Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. ⁴⁰On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." ⁴¹He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, ⁴²"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." ⁴³An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. ⁴⁴And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.^c]">

⁴⁵When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. ⁴⁶"Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."

Jesus Arrested

⁴⁷While he was still speaking a crowd came up, and the man who was called Judas, one of the Twelve, was leading them. He approached Jesus to kiss him, ⁴⁸but Jesus asked him, "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?"

⁴⁹When Jesus' followers saw what was going to happen, they said, "Lord, should we strike with our swords?" ⁵⁰And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear.

⁵¹But Jesus answered, "No more of this!" And he touched the man's ear and healed him.

⁵²Then Jesus said to the chief priests, the officers of the temple guard, and the elders, who had come for him, "Am I leading a rebellion, that you have come with swords and clubs? ⁵³Every day I was with you in the temple courts, and you did not lay a hand on me. But this is your hour—when darkness reigns."

Peter Disowns Jesus

⁵⁴Then seizing him, they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest. Peter followed at a distance. ⁵⁵But when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them. ⁵⁶A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, "This man was with him."

⁵⁷But he denied it. "Woman, I don't know him," he said.

⁵⁸A little later someone else saw him and said, "You also are one of them."
"Man, I am not!" Peter replied.

⁵⁹About an hour later another asserted, "Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean."

⁶⁰Peter replied, "Man, I don't know what you're talking about!" Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. ⁶¹The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: "Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times." ⁶²And he went outside and wept bitterly.

The Guards Mock Jesus

⁶³The men who were guarding Jesus began mocking and beating him. ⁶⁴They blindfolded him and demanded, "Prophesy! Who hit you?" ⁶⁵And they said many other insulting things to him.

Jesus Before Pilate and Herod

⁶⁶At daybreak the council of the elders of the people, both the chief priests and teachers of the law, met together, and Jesus was led before them. ⁶⁷"If you are the Christ," they said, "tell us."

Jesus answered, "If I tell you, you will not believe me, ⁶⁸and if I asked you, you would not answer. ⁶⁹But from now on, the Son of Man will be seated at the right hand of the mighty God."

⁷⁰They all asked, "Are you then the Son of God?"
He replied, "You are right in saying I am."

⁷¹Then they said, "Why do we need any more testimony? We have heard it from his own lips."

Luke 23:56

¹Then the whole assembly rose and led him off to Pilate. ²And they began to accuse him, saying, "We have found this man subverting our nation. He opposes payment of taxes to Caesar and claims to be Christ, a king."

³So Pilate asked Jesus, "Are you the king of the Jews?"
"Yes, it is as you say," Jesus replied.

⁴Then Pilate announced to the chief priests and the crowd, "I find no basis for a charge against this man."

⁵But they insisted, "He stirs up the people all over Judea by his teaching. He started in Galilee and has come all the way here."

⁶On hearing this, Pilate asked if the man was a Galilean. ⁷When he learned that Jesus was under Herod's jurisdiction, he sent him to Herod, who was also in Jerusalem at that time.

⁸When Herod saw Jesus, he was greatly pleased, because for a long time he had been wanting to see him. From what he had heard about him, he hoped to see him perform some miracle. ⁹He plied him with many questions, but Jesus gave him no answer. ¹⁰The chief priests and the teachers of the law were standing there, vehemently accusing him. ¹¹Then Herod and his soldiers ridiculed and mocked him. Dressing him in an elegant robe, they sent him back to Pilate. ¹²That day Herod and Pilate became friends—before this they had been enemies.

¹³Pilate called together the chief priests, the rulers and the people, ¹⁴and said to them, "You brought me this man as one who was inciting the people to rebellion. I have examined him in your presence and have found no basis for your charges against him. ¹⁵Neither has Herod, for he sent him back to us; as you can see, he has done nothing to deserve death. ¹⁶Therefore, I will punish him and then release him."

¹⁸With one voice they cried out, "Away with this man! Release Barabbas to us!" ¹⁹(Barabbas had been thrown into prison for an insurrection in the city, and for murder.)

²⁰Wanting to release Jesus, Pilate appealed to them again. ²¹But they kept shouting, "Crucify him! Crucify him!"

²²For the third time he spoke to them: "Why? What crime has this man committed? I have found in him no grounds for the death penalty. Therefore I will have him punished and then release him."

²³But with loud shouts they insistently demanded that he be crucified, and their shouts prevailed. ²⁴So Pilate decided to grant their demand. ²⁵He released the man who had been thrown into prison for insurrection and murder, the one they asked for, and surrendered Jesus to their will.

The Crucifixion

²⁶As they led him away, they seized Simon from Cyrene, who was on his way in from the country, and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus. ²⁷A large number of people followed him, including women who mourned and wailed for him. ²⁸Jesus turned and said to them, "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children. ²⁹For the time will come when you will say, 'Blessed are the barren women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!' ³⁰Then
" 'they will say to the mountains, "Fall on us!"
and to the hills, "Cover us!" ³¹For if men do these things when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?"

³²Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed. ³³When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. ³⁴Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

³⁵The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, "He saved others; let him save himself if he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One."

³⁶The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar ³⁷and said, "If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself."

³⁸There was a written notice above him, which read:|sc THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

³⁹One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!"

⁴⁰But the other criminal rebuked him. "Don't you fear God," he said, "since you are under the same sentence? ⁴¹We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong."

⁴²Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

⁴³Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

Jesus' Death

⁴⁴It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, ⁴⁵for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. ⁴⁶Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last.

⁴⁷The centurion, seeing what had happened, praised God and said, "Surely this was a righteous man." ⁴⁸When all the people who had gathered to witness this sight saw what took place, they beat their breasts and went away. ⁴⁹But all those who knew him, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things.

Jesus' Burial

⁵⁰Now there was a man named Joseph, a member of the Council, a good and upright man, ⁵¹who had not consented to their decision and action. He came from the Judean town of Arimathea and he was waiting for the kingdom of God. ⁵²Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus' body. ⁵³Then he took it down, wrapped it in linen cloth and placed it in a tomb cut in the rock, one in which no one had yet been laid. ⁵⁴It was Preparation Day, and the Sabbath was about to begin.

⁵⁵The women who had come with Jesus from Galilee followed Joseph and saw the tomb and how his body was laid in it. ⁵⁶Then they went home and prepared spices and perfumes. But they rested on the Sabbath in obedience to the commandment.

What a hot lazy day...

2009-04-09T16:41:00.002+08:00

Yew........

The sun is shining bright. My room is stuffy and warm, despite the faithful fan spinning above. I cannot sit and do my revision.

Thus, half an hour ago, I decided to clean my room.

Due to time constraints (cough cough, what an excuse for my laziness.) for the past weeks, I only "sempat" to sweep the floor. (shy shy.. I didn't mop the floor.)

After giving my room some 'injections', I feel more energetic now and I am ready to go..... K-books...

Ganbate, Selena, for your finals.

Scary

2009-04-09T07:17:00.002+08:00

Not good.

In a moment, I'll have french oral test.

My tests results are so poor. Shame on me.
The girl sitting next to me scored nearly perfect score in both tests.

Oh..... shy shy shy....

Better talk properly and answer well later... Else, I do not know what kind of grade will I get later...

Mixed Feeling

2009-04-07T09:28:00.002+08:00

Final year final semester .. flies faster than other semesters.

Time flies so fast that I rarely have time to laze around. I have more coffee than last days. My gastric pain gets more frequent. I have less time to drop at my best friends' room to "cakap kosong".

Now, I am in the final week before I am off for my study week and exams. My commitments and deadlines slowly, bid good-bye. I am only left with final touch up for my group CPC paper work. Of course, to K-books for exams.

I am supposed to feel happy and lighten then.
Slowly, my body clock can be tuned to normal hours.
Slowly (and hopefully) my rather bad eye bags can say bye-bye to me.

Yet, I feel a heavy rock sinks in my heart.
I hate to hug my friends - good bye then.

I used to wake up each day, with excitement to go to law school to meet my friends and challenges.

Now, I prefer to hide under my pillows because I wake up, counting the days that I am going to leave them.

This feeling - no words can tell.

I have a fear of changes.

I am in the process of alienating myself since months ago so that I will not be that hurtful when the time comes.

Hotaru No Hikari

2009-04-03T08:49:00.004+08:00

I wish I can be Amemiya Hotaru.

She works in a great place.
She is efficient in her work place.
She is like any other Office Ladies.
She has great colleagues.

As soon as she finishes her work, she will rush back home.
Her dream is waiting for her.

Nope, not m'ami.

It is her porch.
She loves to sit at the porch with a can of beer in her hand.

Such is her way to de-stress.
Such is her way to re-charge.

She lies down on the floor with her dolphin. Everything is within her reach... snacks, mangas, magazines, drinks....

She leads a care free life.
Zero restriction.
She is happy for who she is.

Such a Fantastic life she has!

My God is different from the world

2009-03-31T19:54:00.003+08:00

When i was young, i always thought "the most hardworking award" is the most pathetic award.

Why???

Simple. The world only sees the result. No one cares about the process.

People create "the most hardworking award" to console one who works hard but obtains little achievement. That is so PATHETIC....

However, my God is different.

The Bible says: I planted the seed, Apolos watered it, but God makes it grow.

As usual, God works in a way .. opposite from the world.
God cares about the process, because He is the One who makes things work in the end. He determines the outcome.

Well, of course it is not right to say: Then, I do not have to work at all since God will work it out.

God is an interesting fella.

He creates every human being with roles to play and responsibilities to carry. Everyone needs to discharge his duty. But, God is the Ultimate One who brings the pieces of jigsaw puzzles together and ta-da... a wonderful picture is born.

So, my God is One who cares about the process.
He sees man not as a man sees; He sees the heart, not the appearance.

When I think about it, I am encouraged to be faithful in my everyday-doings. I am going to work hard and of course, pray hard.

When I work, I work; When I pray, God works.

With God in the center of my life, things are different.

Friendship is too beautiful to be tainted

2009-03-31T00:42:00.005+08:00

Suddenly I have a prompting to blog regarding my belief in friendship.

"Friendship is too beautiful to be tainted."

I have a lot of good male friends. I love hanging around with them. I feel OK even if I embarrass myself in front of them. I do not have to be smart in front of them. I feel safe telling them about my life/challenges/troubles/angers/etc. I know I can trust them.

I have fun being with them.

In another view, my mummy and sister always ask: "What about this guy? Are you sure there is no chance?"

This happens when I told them about my life here or when I show them my pictures.

Well, perhaps I come to an age when my mummy starts to worry for her daughter.
(She seems to have forgotten what she told me 4 years ago on what I should not do ^^ At times, she can be forgetful.)

Anyhow, I am not prepared to taint my friendship with anything other than pure and neutral friendship.
Therefore, I will tell them: "No la. We are close friends. X has a girlfriend."
Topic - Closed.

Well, I hope I make a sound point here. I do not want things to come along and ruin my journey with them.

I wonder if anyone agrees with me -Friendship and lovers just can't mix.

I believe I am not prepared to taint my friendship. It is too beautiful.

Surrender

2009-03-22T07:35:00.003+08:00

Perhaps, lately, a lot of things happened.

They took away my peace.

Throughout the week, I had dreams.

Dream makes me tired. Dream gives me fear. Dream takes away my peaceful sleep.

O God, Please give me dreamless sleep. I need quality sleep.

I shall cast my cares upon You. Please use Your ways to settle these.
I shall listen to You.

I surrender. I surrender. I surrender.

Make it unbreakable

2009-03-21T15:59:00.002+08:00

O God,
This is my prayer.
Make this cord unbreakable.

In the fire,
Transform it to gold,
Enable it to endure the fire.

"These are my treasures,
I want it all.

一个都不能少."

In the storm,
Send Your eagle,
To grab it and soar above the clouds.

"These are my treasures,
I want it all.

一个都不能少."

Apology

2009-03-21T07:56:00.006+08:00

I am greatly troubled.
I did something wrong few days ago.

"My tears dropped.
I could not help it.
I was burning hot."

I never allow others to see my tears, with exception if they fall in the church.

That day, they fell without giving any warning. They must have scared those who were present. Yes, there were other people who saw this incident.

Although I turned away to hold back the tears. I knew it was too late. It fell. They fell on the ground before your eyes.

To the person(s) concerned,

They fell because I fail to protect my best friend. That's all. It has nothing to do with the incident. You have rights to do whatever you need to do.

I am ready to take on challenges. I am prepared. Ever since the day we are on the opposite side.

But, I am not prepared to fail to protect my best friends.

I have little people that I am genuinely concerned about, to the point I feel as they feel. She is one of them. Hence, I have such reaction.

[Perhaps you have no idea. I reacted the same, just in that case, it happened in my room, in front of my roommate. That person is PS.L. You know her. It happened in January 2008.]

I came to my senses and rationality an hour later.
I know. From that incident onwards, you will be more careful in handling "this glass". You do not have to. I am not a GLASS.

Perhaps it is too late now.
I cannot undo what I have done. This is not a Microsoft Document. I cannot unwind the time.

Having said that, I will still protect her.

In the same time, I want our friendship to sail. To the end of journey.

Because you are one of the people that I genuinely concern about, to the point I feel as you feel.

I am sorry.

So what without oars?

2009-03-18T21:08:00.005+08:00

Look around and use whatever you have, instead of looking for what you do not have.

Wise.

All the members rolled their sleeves and used their hands... splashed into the water...
yes
it is to row the sampan.

Big applause to their joint effort.

The sampan took its course in the rapid stream.

Am I thinner now?

2009-03-17T08:53:00.003+08:00

A few commented on my body-size.
They said I got thinner...
Then, they asked: Is life stressful?

^^I smiled and said : Errr... I think I am doing well.

Sound unconvincing though.

(Grin) Well, life is tough and exciting. With hands always moving (on keyboard and another with pen); with brains always working (Care group, my sheep-sheep in CG, children in the Power Kids Church (PKC) Ministry, trial group, CPC, Evidence, self, friends).. I actually have more sleep though nowadays... (hard to get up ^^)

I do lost some fat, especially on my face- cheek. Still, overall, I think I am doing well....

Mid 2007

Early 2009

C'est la vie.

Joke of the year

2009-03-16T09:36:00.005+08:00

The biggest joke of the year...

A man thinks his sampan by using an oar can reach the destination faster than a motorboat which uses turbo engine.

The members do not give up although it is a sampan. The members try to modify the sampan, at least by fixing an engine. Or at the very-very least, everybody takes his own oar and rajin-rajin mendayung sampan.

To frustration, that man ridiculed the efforts. The man throws away the others' oars, ruining the engine, and babble-babble..self-glorification without noticing he is driving everyone crazy.

p.s. Isn't it the biggest joke in town? ^^

Finally....

2009-03-16T07:56:00.003+08:00

Finally, I pulled out my shoes and jogged.

It was a fine Monday morning.

It brought me to my memories few years ago. We made a deal to jog together. However, he had to wait for me when my stamina drained out. I felt bad.

From there on, I used to jog alone. I did not want anyone to get hold back because of me.

Jogging alone brings many benefits. It is a time I can think about myself. Time for self enlightenment. I think about God and His creation. I look at the green field and trees. I feel so relaxed.

Nature is the best medicine for a busy city life.

Why I don't sleep on my bed during the day

2009-03-14T15:42:00.009+08:00

It was a hot sunny day.
It gave me dizziness.

I decided to sleep on my bed.
There, the "day-mare" begins.

In the dream, SW Cat and I just came back and we were about to take a lift in our college. The door opened but, it was dark. So i decided not to take the lift. However, SW Cat took the lift. We did not even bid goodbye.

Image taken from www.ast.cam.ac.uk

Then, I looked at the number on the indicator screen. It was not stable. The number went up and down. I noticed something was wrong. The ground i stepped on was not stable. The ground was moving up and down.

Earthquake? Or the foundation of the building gave way?

Image taken from www.greendiary.com

I screamed out loud to ask everybody to leave their rooms. However, no voice seemed to come out.

I tried to push people out. However, a few girls were so stubborn and made fun of me. I was so angry that i began to push them hard. I even hit them. I slapped them. (Too much violence)

Image taken from questgarden.com

Then, my alarm went off. I woke up, suffocated. I could not breathe well. It was as if i had an asthma attack.

After my breathe went normal, I got up. Even more tired compared to before i took my afternoon nap.

Sigh... ...
That is the reason why i do not take a nap or sleep in the day on my bed.
Ms day-mare will follow me.
Some O2 will not give way to land in my respiration organ.

Now, I am drinking a can of 100 Plus to chill my body and eating mamee as my afternoon tea.

The sky is dark now.
Raining soon.... a heavy rain to wash away the terror I still have now from the "day-mare".

p.s. The pictures are only for illustration purposes.

Well, if earthquake happens, this is what we must do....

Image taken from www.edu4hazards.org

I am a child....Ops, It's "I was"

2009-03-13T07:23:00.005+08:00

Image taken from www.school-clipart.com/_small/0511-0710-0210-..

Usually, I take bus to my french class. I enjoy the ride very much. There is a lot of things for me to see and learn from.

Few days ago, as usual, i took my ride. I sat opposite a child who was sleeping in a moving bus.

Few things come to my mind..."Wah, you can actually bring a child to work?"; "I see. The child just after school, no play school for him."; "Not bad, when your child is in the bus, you will drive more careful. It is a win-win situation."

Suddenly, it strikes me. His calm face. This child was sleeping (or taking a nap) calmly. I thought: What am i doing when i was a child? Will I sleep calmly as well?

When i was a child in primary school:
I was happily running around the field with my friends.

I was happily getting myself hurt and bruises here and there.

I was happily practicing my English story telling just to win Grace (haha.. sadly I never get to.)

I was happily reading and doing homework.. I would make sure i was fast so that i could play with my friends in the field later. (More than often, at home, my mummy would make me re-do because my handwriting was a mess/ i did not do properly/ my work was too dirty/I did not really finish up my homework.)

I was happily jumping around with the "jie jie" in my chinese night school (^^ i did not really study in the Chinese night school. Hence, my mandarin did not improve. Perhaps, worse.)

I was happily practicing my Chinese story telling and poetry presentation. (I always got the championship there ^^)

I was grumpy when my mummy knew i did not finish my Chinese homework. (well, now i knew it was my fault for being lazy. How can i be grumpy then?)

I was boyish with my boy hair cut.

I was wild that i was always spanked because I spoiled things or jumped onto/into boxes (which I should not do in the first place) while playing around with my boys twin cousin.

I had no problem in doing my homework (maths, music, english, BM, PM....) Ha ha.. my mummy has taught all these since I was before age of entering pre-school. Therefore, my uncle's friends (headmistress and teachers from the chinese school) were so impressed that they called me "tian cai er tong".
(Funny! They had no idea how my mummy drilled me to studying.)

I did not get to watch TV until my younger sister was born. (While accompany Christina, I knew how to sing kid-songs, sesame street, barney and friends, etc.)

I would not fight with my elder sister because once we quarreled, my mummy would cane both of us.

I would get myself bitten by my younger sister Christina because she enjoyed biting me. Funny, my mummy did not spank her for it.

O my... How i enjoyed days without worries. Life as a child was truly awesome. Still, life moves on.

So, Ganbatte, Selena. Move on with courage!

Everyday is a great day!

A time to remember 1

2009-03-05T16:08:00.006+08:00

I am very grateful and thankful to God for He brings me to Faculty of Law. It is my prayer for whole 4 years, crying out to Him. I say" Since You bring me here, please bring me through.

From a tiny little girl who knew only 3 persons on the first day;
From a tiny little girl who was always being jeered for coming from Matrics;
From a tiny little girl who was immature in handling her people relationship;
From a tiny little girl who used to be a a sole ranger;

Now to a young lady who loves all her course mates;
Now to a young lady who is loved by all (i hope ^^) for who she is;
Now to a young lady who can work with different people;
Now to a young lady who is dependent on her best friends;

I am not sure whether I am ready to leave law school and venture into a legal career.
But, I am sure:
1. I will miss all my course-mates.
2. I will miss my lecturers.
3. I will miss my faculty.

In May, I will have to tell myself: Selena, life goes on. So you have to move on. To a new journey of your life. You experienced different things for these 4 years - from moots to law society; from knowing new friends to loving them.... Treasure these memory.. You have no regrets. You become who God wants you to be.

Note: the photos are "stolen" from a multimedia made by Fir and Gary... its first public view was on 27 Feb 2009 night.. It earned quite a lot of tears..

Eternal Passionate Flame

2009-02-28T16:14:00.004+08:00

I want to celebrate my joy in their laughter and cry in their hugs

Law School is about finding fun and joy in the midst of books, law reports, statutes,assignments, lectures, tutorials, talks, conferences.

A great friend, A good counselor, An excellent mediator

An achiever, a passionate friend, a visionary man.

27 feb 2009 - Law Nite 2009 - Eternal Passionate Flame

My last Law Nite with my batch mates. Surely I will miss the time we spent together for all these 4 years.

Dedicated to all my friends.

Leaping For Joy

2009-02-24T08:38:00.002+08:00

Thank God.

UM Jessup Team grasped the title "Champion" for Phillip C. Jessup International Moot Competition National Round.

Nope, I am not part of the team. I am not part of the glory. But, I am certainly a part of the joyous moment.

I am happy as a friend.

Thank God for His faithfulness for listening to our constant prayers for 3 years. Finally, Samuel can go to the States. Of course, with his team for Jessup 2009.

As an ex-team mate, friend, study group member... ... I am proud of you. I am happy for you.

O my! Basically, I jumped up and down when i shared this good news with S.W.Cat and DH Yan on the Sunday night.

O God! Thank you.

Stop: Hunting (lives), Intruding (lives), taking (lives) - SHIT

2009-02-21T08:47:00.006+08:00

S.H.I.T.

Stop the war, please.

I wonder how long i can take to listen to the history repeating itself again and again.

Image taken from jdurward.blogspot.com

Stop the war, please. For whatever reason you have to start, participate this war, please.. put down your lethal weapon and think for all mankind.

Stop the war, please. None of us has the liberty to take away what belongs to God.... We are children of God.

Please.

I do not know how long i can endure.

Stop the war, please.

Book: Holy War, Inc >My heart felt...

2009-02-20T10:56:00.005+08:00

Image taken from images.amazon.com

Curiosity brings my hands to read Holy War, Inc by Peter L. Bergen.

"Better than worse, does not make it good." This is what my heart felt.

As for now, I reserve my thoughts to myself.

Whose Child Is This? Part 1

2009-02-17T07:02:00.004+08:00

Image taken from www.eden.co.uk

Since 2005, I have been reading a book entitled “Whose Child is This” by Pastor Bill Wilson. Till today, I have not finished reading. It is not because it is boring; It is because it is filled with energy and excitement. The book is filled with the author’s love for God-for the children- for people. The author did something different in these children’s life. He taught these kids about salvation. He taught these children about life- a life living for God. The author taught with his life.
There is a part which inspired to read again and again. I paused and pondered at that section for a very long time.

I quote: (p. 140 - 142)

Principle #3: To be is more important than to do.

… …Years ago I read an interesting comparison between reputation and character.

Reputation is what you are supposed to be.
Character is what you are.
Reputation is a photograph.
Character is your face.
Reputation is what you have when you come to a new place.
Character is what you have when you go away.
Reputation is learned in an hour.
Character does not come to light for years.
Reputation is made in a moment.
Character is built in a lifetime.
Reputation grows like a mushroom.
Character grows like an oak.
Reputation is made from a single newspaper report.
Character is built from a life of toil.
Reputation makes you rich or poor.
Character makes you happy or miserable.
Reputation is what men sat about you on your tombstone.
Character is what the angels say about you around the throne of God.

I ponder: what did the angels say about me yesterday around my Father in Heaven? And today?

CNY with Convent gals

2009-01-31T16:03:00.007+08:00

Besides home and food, the next best gift I got from Chinese New Year 2009 is... the time I spent with my dear old friends-Convent gals.

Once, Joanne Tan asked whether we will still meet and gather together till our 10th anniversary (leaving high-school).

Carol, Wan Ching and myself, agreed we will still meet up. We hold the same belief. I believe the others thought so.

Whenever we get together, I enjoy listening to their stories. Their part of life is what i miss the most.

I left them since after Form 5. From there, quite a number of us left Batu Pahat for college. Some stayed back for F6. Each of us begun a new chapter of life. Yet, \we never fail to gather together to "sam-pat". Although, every year, we do not achieve full attendance. I truly enjoy my time with them.

I miss those who did not make it to this year Chor-Sam-Bai Nian. Yet, in the same time, I am glad because I met some really-long-time-din-see-friends (Jane, Sally, Wee Lee, Chia Sin, Sophia Lim).

Thank you for perfecting my 2009 chinese new year. gotta miss you all.

Loss and Gain

2009-01-31T15:02:00.006+08:00

I lost… …
(minor)I lost some money. Nope. No one robs me, But I pay twice the amount in order for me to get home for Chinese new year. I bought a bus ticket, but I ended up landing home in a friend’s car. So I pay double for the traveling.

That brings me to gain:

(MAJOR) Time with “S.W.Cat” and “DH Yan”.

Only because the ticket I bought earlier (thurs evening) went redundant, I can celebrate my birthday with them. It was a-get-a-way for us after enduring tired days to prepare for PP, notes and tutorials. Thank you for bringing me out! Things always get exciting and fun when three of us do it together. Thank you for throwing a splendid birthday celebration for me.

Of course, heartfelt thanks to my church friends who dropped by to give me a prayer of blessings, birthday song and cake.

Thank you to my course-mates (AT, JB, WS, RT, S.W.Cat and DH Yan) who spent the early morning yum cha with me. Honestly, it is like ages ago since the last time I spend the time after midnight in a place other than my bedroom. ^^

Tonnes of thanks to all who did not forget me, and drop a message of your wishes to me...

I gain..

Time to do PP… S.W.Cat, Yan and I spent the whole Friday to prepare for PP. We were doing research to make sure the team gets its reading materials. Well, deadlines to be met even if it is Chinese new year. It was tiring because we did not get much sleep the night before. As a matter of fact, S.W.Cat did not even get to sleep. Despite all that, things get exciting and fun when three of us do it together. I actually enjoyed the moment. It is rare for three of us to stay back in the library together to accomplish the same task. Guess, we will have more opportunity in times to come. Maybe in a few days more….

Need More Energy

2009-01-20T07:17:00.008+08:00

image taken from www.bized.co.uk

Do you remember..I said before I want to read the next book after New Moon? Sigh, I did not get to read. My "Devil Wears Prada" (currently reading book).. I have spent one month reading, yet not enough half the book I read.

Lately, my days are occupied with discussion, notes-patching (still I am left far behind from lectures), care groups, visitations, prayer meetings, david mighty men classes,service, shepherding, HUSC&Nehemiah meetings.

Of course, since CNY is coming, I have had 2 reunion dinners. Another one coming today.

I am not sure how my purse can handle this spending. I keep telling myself: Chill, it is only once a year. It is awesome to have dinner with a bunch of wonderful people.

Nearly every night, i reached my room around 10.30pm. After all the washings, I am left with nothing, except heavy eye-lids. I slept, planning to wake up early in the morning to do my notes-patching (my only time to study effectively and efficiently). But, I guess I am not disciplined enough to force myself to jump out from my bed. Instead, I pressed the alarm clock button, and zzz zzz back.

O.. I hope i have more energy so that I can run better and faster.

Grant me strength, O Lord.

Love.

A renewed one

2009-01-09T16:34:00.011+08:00

I always look at myself as a person who has self-control. I put myself as self-composed. However, lately, due to one reason, I blew up. Subsequently to that, things are like a radioactive - chain reaction. In many occasions, I just threw my temper, did unexpected things which would be hurtful to certain people; I just blew up.

Manner;
Humility;
Gentleness;
Attentiveness;
Sweet spirit;
Thoughtfulness;
Are left behind.

My conduct and speech portray my impatience, arrogance and assumed self-loftiness.

So now I decide, to pick up the pieces and take them as they are. Take them as challenges in 2009.

Pick up my temper and put it under close scrutiny so that others shall not suffer again.

I want to thank S.W.Cat. She may not know it but somehow she is an angel sent by God to strike me. She commented 2 times on the way I spoke. Then, I pondered. I evaluated how I brought myself for the past week. How will I grade myself? I am thankful that now I have realized.

I am determined to change and exercise self-discipline.

2 Peter 1:3-8 (New International Version)

3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

New Moon

2008-12-31T14:39:00.005+08:00

Image taken from chanakyaspeaks.com

Again. I went crazy reading the book subsequent to Twilight - Newmoon.
I am not a nocturnal, but I can get away from my usual sleeping hours just for the sake of this novel.

Yesterday, I went for a movie with S.W.Cat. What was the movie? BINGO! Twilight. I watched it for the second time. Still, the adrenaline of excitement still flowed in me. Then, I went for grocery shopping. Followed by c.g. praise and worship practice till 10pm. More works to be done after i got back.

Just as the clock struck 12, I could not help it but start reading Newmoon despite my heavy eye-lids. I fought and I won. I read till dawn.

I cried a few times. I struggled as though I was Bella. I felt depressed as though I was Bella. I was determined as though I was Bella.

It was a good book. Guess, in just a couple of days more, I will start reading the 3rd book - Eclipse.

As for now, I give you my best wishes - Happy new year!

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

2008-12-29T01:26:00.003+08:00

image taken from latimesblogs.latimes.com

O My!
It is the first time that once I grabbed a book my eyes cannot take off from it.

O My!
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer fascinates me. I am all captivated by the story.

Every word.
Every line.
Every page.
From the beginning to the end.

I only took a break for a glass of milk as dinner and to wash my cup. My eyes were all fixed on the book. I just couldn’t leave my seat.

Tired? Not a bit. I am all charged up. Such is the attraction of Twilight.

I am not going to commit the sin by telling you the story. You just have to read it yourself.

Fine. Now, I have to get on with my life routine.

Home Sweet Home - Batu Pahat

2008-12-29T01:22:00.007+08:00

Soon, I shall begin a new semester;
Soon, my last semester holiday shall come to an end.

Image taken from ordersaja.com

I enjoyed through and through throughout my 2 weeks holiday.
For the past 2 weeks, I spent a lot of time with my mother, Karen and Christina. I am glad that we did a lot of things together.

Mum and I did bible study together. We talked about my friends in KL and church. We talked about my future. We talked about her health. We talked about my ministry in KL. We learnt to understand one another’s differences. We encouraged one another to move on in our life by putting our focus in God.

Karen and I did paintings together. Truthfully, she improved a lot in her drawings. Now, she can paint better. My house looks like her drawing gallery. Her paintings were put on the wall. I must say her paintings, once were dry and flat but now are attractive. Somehow, they portray sort of liveliness. Karen told me a lot of things which happen in her school. We observed her friends’ and teachers’ behavior and came out with resolutions on ways to deal with them. We talked about her favorite books “Harry Potter” (my favorite movies: Harry Potter movies). We talked about her essays. We teased one another. I stood up for her when she had something on mind, conflicting with mum’s. We did a lot sisterly things together. We even talked about her plans for her own future.

Christina and I… … we did sisterly things together as well. Of course, added chaos to my house. We fought for T.V. We memorized bible verses together. It was painful for both herself and myself, to keep saying the same phrase for many times until she could say it correctly. I am sure she hated me for that. But, we still love one another. She assisted me in doing house works. Christina might not agree to do the house works in the first instance, still she would do it after giving me an intense stare or some grumblings. I still love her.

I met up with old friends from convent. Li Poh, Siang Ting, Li Ling, Mei San, Serene, Lu Chien and Wan Sin, Peniel and many others from church. I learnt that my best friend, Yvonne Ho is getting married soon in Penang. Congrats, my dear!

During my days in Batu Pahat, my 心情宝库is HAPPY!

I will have my holidays soon

2008-11-28T23:00:00.008+08:00

image taken from profile.myspace.com
Due to certain reason, I can have all days starting from 8 Dec 2008 till 28 Dec 2008 for myself and family. I am not sure whether I can enjoy the days to the fullest. It is seldom for me to have nothing to do.

Hmmm, I better think of things to do before 8 Dec 2008 comes. If not, my mom is going to groan at me.

Gyabo! I better start planning now..

Who is Jesus?

2008-09-27T11:11:00.003+08:00

Who is Jesus?

HE IS JESUS

WHO IS HE?

IN CHEMISTRY, HE TURNED WATER TO WINE;

IN BIOLOGY, HE WAS BORN WITHOUT THE NORMAL CONCEPTION;

IN PHYSICS, HE DISAPPROVED THE LAW OF GRAVITY WHEN HE ASCENDED INTO HEAVEN;

IN ECONOMICS, HE DISAPPROVED THE LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURN BY FEEDING 5000 MEN WITH TWO FISH & 5 LOAVES OF BREAD;

IN MEDICINE, HE CURED THE SICK AND THE BLIND WITHOUT ADMINISTERING A SINGLE DOSE OF DRUGS;

IN HISTORY, HE IS THE BEGINNING AND THE END;

IN GOVERNMENT, HE SAID THAT HE SHALL BE CALLED WONDERFUL COUNSELOR, PRINCE OF PEACE;

IN RELIGION, HE SAID NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT THROUGH HIM;

SO, WHO IS HE?

HE IS JESUS!

JOIN ME AND LET'S CELEBRATE HIM; HE IS WORTHY.

THE EYES BEHOLDING THIS MESSAGE SHALL NOT BEHOLD EVIL, THE HAND THAT WILL SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYBODY SHALL NOT LABOR IN VAIN, AND THE MOUTH SAYING AMEN TO THIS PRAYER SHALL SMILE FOREVER.

REMAIN IN GOD AND SEEK HIS FACE ALWAYS.

AMEN

IN GOD I'VE FOUND EVERYTHING!

[The Greatest Man in History

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.

Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.

He had no army, yet kings feared Him.

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

I feel honored to serve such a Leader who loves us!]

^from my friend -David^

A Man called Moses

2008-09-02T06:40:00.004+08:00

A Man Called Moses

During the semester holiday in late June 2008, I was blessed by my home church’s leader’s sharing. She shared on the life of Joshua. She told me about Joshua’s life, on how he supported his leader, Moses when he was young. Then, how God encouraged him to be “strong and courageous” and God commanded him to “hold on to God’s word”.

Soon, after listening to the sharing, i decided to read and understand the life of Moses before reading on Joshua. And today, as i wrote this blog, I finally finished up 4 books in the Bible on the life of Moses.

Guess I was little to much sentimental as I read. I got stressed up when the fellow Israelites complained (too much). I rejoiced when Moses led them out from the land of oppression (Egypt) and had victory over the enemies.

As I finished reading, I felt a wave of unjust treatment towards Moses. I mean God is cruel. Moses was reminded again and again that he would not enter the Promise Land although Moses led the Israelites out from Egypt, with the promise that the Israelites would enter the land flow with milk and honey. Moses was told he would only lead the people to the doorstep. He would not enter. Why? Moses broke faith with God in one incident in the presence of the Israelites at the water of Meribah (refer to Numbers 20: 1-12). Such is a harsh punishment to Moses. Nevertheless, Moses still faithfully obeyed God. Moses faithfully led the people and taught them the Law of God.

At the point of Moses’ death, God only let him see the sight of the Promise Land from Mount Nebo.

I wondered. How on earth Moses persevered in such a discouraged situation.

I wondered. How on earth Moses could live to his fullest when such a promise to enter the Land was stripped off.

Finally, I understand.

Moses did lead a fulfilling life.

It is an honorable life, I would never comprehend.

It is a life, living for God, not for himself.

It is a life to honor God and no one else, not self.

It is a life of humility, putting and obeying God above all else.

No words can ever describe Moses’ life better than the verses found in Bible.

Deuteronomy 34.

5And Moses the servant of the Lord died there in Moab, as the Lord had said. 6He buried him in Moab, in the valley opposite Beth Peor, but to this day no one knows where his grave is. 7Moses was a hundred and twenty years old when he died, yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone. 8The Israelites grieved for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days, until the time of weeping and mourning was over.

9Now Joshua son of Nun was filled with the spirit of wisdom because Moses had laid his hands on him. So the Israelites listened to him and did what the Lord had commanded Moses.

10Since then, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face, 11who did all those miraculous signs and wonders the Lord sent him to do in Egypt- to Pharaoh and to all his officials and to his whole land. 12For no one has ever shown the mighty power or performed the awesome deeds that Moses did in the sight of all Israel.

God loves His people, in such a way that no words can describe.

God is just, in such a way not man comprehends as what just is.

One thing is sure. God loves His people. His plan for the people shall not fail.

No man’s power can supersede God’s.

God’s way is greater than any other man’s solutions.

God’s grace is so vast, that no one can boast that it is by his work.

1 Corinthians 1:18-25

18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written:

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

20 Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21 For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22 Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23 but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24 but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.

It is God’s grace, entirely.

2004/2005

2008-07-08T09:08:00.002+08:00

2004/2005

It has been my habit for 3 years, entering the 4^th, to flash back my memory to my matriculation days on my first day of university. It is simply to remind myself, how many years have I known you (referring to 2004/2005 cohort friends … especially my Chinese friends).

Yesterday, without fail, I did it again. I brought our album and biography VCD along throughout all these 4 years. I miss the time we had. I miss the fun we had. I miss you all.

As I looked at the pictures, I realized it has been 3 years I did not wear that smile. The smile, which once I had… … the smile that delivered the message of joy, satisfaction and love, somehow has been buried.

I realized, as years passed by, we seldom contacted one another, not to mention meeting up. We knew that we would be separated to different universities (as written in our own biodata), yet, at that moment, we hold the simple hope that we would still keep in touch.

However, time and space are jealous of me, hindering me from doing so.

Nonetheless, for you who read this, I want to tell you:

I love the friendship that we have since our matriculation days.

I treasure the friendship.

(to quote from jian wei’s biodata) “It is by God’s promise and arrangement that we could study together in KMJ”.

And, I believe that.

Missing you all… …

BIGGEST...MOST CARELESS MISTAKE

2008-06-27T10:23:00.004+08:00

Image taken from www.8bitcollective.com

Hu Hu Hu.....

26th June 2008 ... ... 4.30pm

I have finished packing up my stuff... 90% ready to check out from my college. I intended to come back to my room after returning the key to the clerk. I had to wait for my friends to pick me up (@late evening).

Satisfied that i have put all necessary precious stuff into the cupboard, i locked it. Then i turned to look for my room key. There went the DISASTER!

I left my key in the cupboard. My padlock key was attached together with my room key. O MY! i was completely ... ...

I told myself: Calm down. You could not be that careless, right? Especially not now...

I looked for the keys inside and outside all bags. But, in vain...

Then I tried to recall where had i put the spare key to the padlock. I remembered. It was inside my manicure set box. Wa Wa Wa.. The manicure box was inside the cupboard too..

Crazy Crazy... went crazy.. i took a needle ... tried to be a "Thief" ... tried to unlock the padlock.. of course... in vain...

In great desperation, i went to the office to look for help.

Thank God, Abang Yuris was very helpful to give me a large "cutter" to cut my padlock.

O my... ... It was very hard to cut off the padlock because my lock was made of "good" steel ... ... I gave all my strength, finally, thanked God... The padlock broke.

I told myself: Selena, Just get a normal padlock will do.

O my.. O my... ... Selena... what a carelessssssssssssss... ... stupid... ... careless ... ... mistake to do.

NoW.. for this new intake... ....

2008-06-25T20:06:00.004+08:00

HUH!!!! YIPEE!!.. .. flyer and poster for Hope of God PJ church students group's project... a competition named "A Big Fat Life" ... are out!!!

Bravo to Helena and her team for such marvelous job!!! Thanks for the hard work.

All freshies are most welcomed to join in the fun... ...

Wonderful!

2008-05-23T14:59:00.005+08:00

God is good to me.

Now, I get to enjoy morning and evening walk as part of my traveling from Monday - Friday.

Though sometimes the hot sun is quite annoying (n n), i still enjoy it very much. Truthfully, it helps to prepare my mind... ... a peaceful mind for what lays in front.

Once, i woke up at 4.40 am upon hearing heavy downpour, i quickly prayed for the rain to stop. [p/s I hate to carry umbrella] Then i get back to my sleep. Thank God, the rain stopped, and i happily went to work.

So thank God for the hot sun, because i will rather have a sunny than rainy day.

Thank you, Mr. Creator of the sun ><

Looking for enlightenment

2008-04-28T06:56:00.008+08:00

Image taken from www.sheepleblog.net

Guess this is the time i am ever this vulnerable, in both mental and spiritual.

I wondered for all these years since knowing Jesus, how much have i changed. Whoever is in Christ, is a new creation. Is it the reason for all my changes or personal conviction to change because i want to follow what the Bible says? There is a slight difference between the two. If i change because Christ is in me, it is a conviction from the heart, then i shall feel secure on the "new" me. However, if i change because i want to follow what the Bible says [without moving to the next and final stage, i.e. heart conviction], i feel like it is only for a short term. It is a mere conviction of mind, but not from the heart. I find myself as an active volcano, which is going to erupt soon after years of dormancy.

Of course, there are a few things that i identify are convictions from the heart. For one instance, is Prayer.

For personal conviction, the most significant is ... ...

Long time ago, I used to like competitions. I am motivated to strive for winnings.
But ever since, I came to know Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.
I started to react differently. I reminded myself, do it for the Lord not for winnings. As the jealous clock ticks, I find myself avoiding competitions. When i know there are others who want it, i will pull out, and putting myself to take what is left. Well, a fine example is i will now be the last to take lots.
I begin to feel uncomfortable with appreciations and awards. I move from working on stage to behind the scene. Of course, from there i learn to pick up new things. But is it right to abandon the talents (i would say) that i once had?

O my, now slowly i feel i am buried, losing myself in an insecure way. Losing self to God, allowing Him to mould me is good. But, am i being changed by God or own effort?

If it is the latter, i am living by man's effort, not God's grace.

I am looking for equilibrium.

A healthy body

2008-04-21T09:34:00.005+08:00

Who can deny the importance to have a good health during crucial moments: e.g Exams, wedding day.

Looking at the fact that i fall sick easily, i force myself to remember to take Vitamins and Garlic pills throughout the exam period. Whenever i open the bottles, I think of those sick people who need to rely on medicine. It must be hard for them.

Here, i can only wish those who are sick to "get well soon"

And myself: to take good care of myself.

Draw strength from God

2008-04-17T13:50:00.005+08:00

A man's journey of life is never smooth and easy. I admit that.

Now i am in the midst of preparation for my exam. For a Third year Uni student [ me], exam is nothing new. Yet, i still have emotion attached to it.

Normally, i looked for entertainment stuff to cheer me up during my preparation. Cartoon, anime, mangga, favorite artist's MV or game shows are in my list. In short, they were my source of energy.

This time, very soon, i was kind of "out of stock" or i should say, entertainment shows and other manggas other than Detective Conan and Death Note, were no longer entertaining enough for me.

Feeling down, i could not focus.

Finally, i broke down and admitted on what is the truth... ... To come out from the shell.

The reason for myself to fail to focus is not because i do not have entertainment shows to watch and mangga to read. The reason is far more than that.

I am pressurized.

Yes.

I am pressurized by the load to get a good pointer. I want so much to improve my grades from one semester to another. For the past 5 semesters, yea, by God's grace, i did it.

I know very clearly that things got tougher from one to another year. I know it is hard and seem to be unachievable. Still i want it so much. Unconsciously, it becomes a load for me.

Knowing very well, God is always there for me. I decided to pray. i decided to cast down my burden to God, and come back to a pure heart... Worship God in my studies. The process is far more important than the result.

Below is a scripture from the Bible which encourages me so much:

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

In a nutshell, i can draw strength from the Lord.

Everyday is a beautiful day.

I am Happy again

2008-04-10T06:23:00.010+08:00

For the past three days, i was crazy with death note manga.
Alas, yesterday evening, i finished reading it. O my, it is so good, extremely brilliant. It thrills me from the beginning till the end. Death-note lightened up my days.

This morning, I decided to pick up my studies.
Remembering i have company law tutorial later, i thought of doing some reading first. Then, i realized i lost a set of notes... O my, i tried to recall where did i put it.

I nearly ransacked my whole stacks of books and piles of notes.
Up and down i climbed. Then i decided to chill and focus on what i have, i.e. the next topic.

As i read, i found something weird. I could not understand, or rather failed to find the relevance of the section that i was reading with the previous page. "Is it because i do not study for too long so the brain has grown dusty and rusty?" i thought.

I looked further down my notes .. looking at the date of the previous, current and the next page..and o my.. o my... GUESS WHAT?

Hee hee ^^ ...

The date was not in sequence.

Further, to my surprise, the "lost note" was stapled together with the other topic.

i felt relieved knowing :

1. I did not lose my note.
2. I am not lost in my studies.

So, i am happy again.

CARTOON Please

2008-04-07T07:02:00.005+08:00

Sigh.......
Soon, It will be finals for my Third year.

Sigh......
Now, i need to sit back and study.

Sigh.......
My food and entertainment storage is drained.

Sigh.......
My biscuit and cartoon.

Can someone kind enough to provide me cartoon or dramas at least?

SHOUT OUT:
Selena, there is no time to sigh. It is your crucial time to start your revision.

SELENA......... GANBATTE KUDASAI

LawSoc AGM

2008-04-01T07:35:00.004+08:00

HUHUHU...............

My term in the law society will end tomorrow.
I hope all will go fine.
I hope she can answer well during the questioning time.
I hope the best person wins the election.
I hope the best for Law Society 2008/2009

the earth

2008-03-28T07:47:00.005+08:00

The Earth

We are worrying about global warming and how the climate changes; because they will take away our earth.

We know we cannot live without them. We know we need them. This is the simple truth.

Even God thinks so. Man is God’s last creation, not because it is the least important, but because God wants everything to be ready first before man can live.

Imagine, one day, man lives without a space (referring to earth); without a glimmer of light (referring to sun).

Imagine, one day, man lives without a shelter above (referring to sky).

Imagine, one day, man lives without a land to put his feet on and any vegetation.

Imagine, one day, man lives without day and night; without a season.

Imagine, one day, man lives without fish and birds.

Imagine, one day, man lives without animals.

For me, this is an assurance from God that He makes a way for me to live; He takes care of my needs; He prepares for me.

So right now, what I can do is to be a good steward.

Care for the environment;

Give men a chance.

What do i want to do?

2008-03-14T11:59:00.000+08:00

There is a difference between purpose in life and existence in life.

For my whole third year in law school, I have been working like nuts; my mind never rest. I am always thinking: I need to settle this by … …
When it is done: hmmm, what’s next?

Indeed I gain a lot of experiences, pain and joy along the way in my serving in the Law Society. As months passed by, my physical strength started to drain out. The more rest I desire, more things raid my mind.

After a long chat with Alexis (church friend @ shepherd @Care group leader @a person I respect of) last night, I realize one thing – I have too many things in my hands to the point I have forgotten the core – my purpose of life.

So here am I, reading the book by Rick Warren, “The Purpose Driven Life”, the last chapter on Living with purpose.

1. … “When God’s at the centre of your life, you worship. When He’s not, you worry.”
Lately, I am using my own wisdom to fix problems, plan and organize; Result: No peace at all, I worry that I do not do enough.
Lately, I am so disappointed to a certain person to the extent I put myself into blame for what has happened.
Lately, I am thinking to so something crazy to get out from this place.
In a nutshell, I worry. This is because I do not put God in the centre in my life.

2. Proverbs 19:21 (NIV) Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails
I do wonder, is it wrong for me to do all these?

Nope, I am not in the wrong, not totally correct either. I realize there are a lot of good things in life, but there is only one purpose in my life.

So now, I want to set my mind to the right track to what I want to do in my life to accomplish my purpose of life by taking the first step asking, what are the purposes in my life?
“Goals are temporary, purposes are eternal”.
“Purposes clarify my value”.
“I will have different roles at different stages in life, but my purposes will never change”.
“Purposes shape me”.

14 March 2008 Morning

Troubled >.<

2008-03-03T10:18:00.001+08:00

Troubled... …
Undesirable troubles… …
Unspeakable troubles… …
Indescribable troubles… …
Hook on my eye lids… …
Forcing my eyes to see what I do not want.
Troubled… …

Finally, I wore my sneakers and out I went for a jog.
It was breezy,
I felt so good, letting sweat swept my body,

But,
Too soon, I could feel the tiny drops of rain.
As I walked back my college, heavy downpour fell on me.
I felt like draining myself under the rain,
Wash away all the troubles,
Instead, I carried my heavy legs back to where I belong.

There, my friends were waiting for me,
Worrying whether I was drenched;
At that very moment,
I knew somebody does care for me.

God gives me good friends… from Convent, to matriks, then to University.
These people stick with me,
Pull me up,
Cheer me on.

I hope I play my role as a friend too to you.
I appreciate you.

[Specially dedicate to: (tell me about Jesus)的Peniel, brought me to a life changing camp, and our famous baker Serene, (brought me to clinic when I needed a stitch，forever my 大姐型.. 《别担心，我一定能嫁得出》) 的Yee Hui, (my faithful friend –fetches me here and there 的Chia Rho, 我的数学，华文老师+朋友，超棒的运动员Siok Ling, 温柔绵绵的Ei Leen, (never forget to mark my homework when I was away from school) Azira, (always concerned about my well-being) 的Li Poh, (从小到大的死党，不过常常还我得挨骂)的Lu Chien – Convent;
(my room mates) Azah+Wani+ Ani, 感觉常常被欺负的Li Hon, 特别多人生赚钱哲学的WeiWei, 样样通除了她讨厌的sejarah 的Yian Mei, 我的阿头 Wei Hao, 办事能力超高的Xiao Ming, 驾驶技术超吓人的Jun Jie, 至现在算是最长联络的Joo Seng, Fido-Dido Kelvin– Matriks;
虽长不见但我们的两年时光可不是白过的Hiew Hung, 现在超廋的Xiao Min, 开朗积极的Sook Yan, 疼我的Suo Kuan mama, 幸福的野蛮女人-woan jin, wise willsen (hee hee, I am happy for you to be able to hold her hand.)
…用生命来教导我--- 现在在印度的武麟牧师和淑雅牧师娘，Hope BP的彩茹姐；
…容忍包容我的alexis.

2 March 2008 (night)

Bitterness

2008-03-03T10:17:00.001+08:00

Bitterness,
Is a worm,
That eats you up bit by bit,
By the time you realize,
You are torn apart.

It is what I felt.
Bitterness due to marginalization,
Due to I am the second best,
I am in the list to be “sacrificed”.

Once, I was insisted to be included, as a consequence we lost because of the composition of the team.

When I realized it, yes, I was torn apart. I do not have the bigger heart.
Broke down and I can’t help but remembering Jesus.

Jesus is the best teacher; He performs miracles, healing the lame, blind, sick…. He shows example through His life; yet he was crucified because He is the best, He is the One.
Thinking of Jesus, I realize my situation is better than Him. He can still love us and forgive us. I want to learn from the footsteps He leaves to me.
In few weeks time, is Easter Day. A day I am forever grateful for what He has done on the cross and rose again three days later, to tell me He has overcome it.
If your friends ask you to join Easter activities, do go and take a look on who this Jesus is.
Your life will never be the same again when you meet HIm.
A new life is possible in Jesus because He uses His life to show us.
Your life is as precious as anyone in this earth because Jesus has a big heart to contain all of us.

29 February 2008 morning

I v. Us

2008-03-03T10:15:00.000+08:00

Why do people feel frustrated?
It is because they focus on themselves.

Why do people feel depressed?
It is because they focus on themselves.

Why do people feel impatient?
It is because they focus on themselves.

Why do people feel self-pitied?
It is because they focus on themselves.

So why should we put ourselves in the centre of everything?
It only brings self-destruction.

It is good – to think of others.
It is good – to honor others above self.
It is good – to see the bigger picture.
It is good – to remember more about “we”, less about “I”.

28 February 2008 noon

a bigger heart

2008-03-03T10:13:00.000+08:00

I learnt to pray: for a bigger heart.

A bigger heart to contain all the past miserable things;
a bigger heart to swallow all the anger;
a bigger heart to gobble up all the past saddening issues;
a bigger heart to put in my family and friends;
a bigger heart to be able to smile in all circumstances;
a bigger heart … is all I want now.

28 February 2008 night

the thing lives in me

2008-02-28T10:51:00.001+08:00

Emotion,
I hate you;
You always left me irrational,
To the point I can’t think straight.

Emotion,
I hate you;
You always left me in the lurch,
To the point I am imbalanced.

Emotion,
I hate you;
You always left me uncontrollable,
To the flowing of tears and laughter.

Emotion,
I hate you;
Why do you live in me?
Why can’t you leave me?

Bull-fight

2008-02-21T08:11:00.003+08:00

I felt exhausted for this entire week.

I thought I was a bull …that I had a bull-fight spirit. I thought I was a workaholic and I enjoyed working. I thought few hours of rest are sufficient for me to re-charge. I thought I knew my balance.

The least will I realize that I will feel tired… I think I do not do enough for God. For goodness, I actually felt insecure in these entire situations, and to the extend, it affects my confidence. Ha! What a joke, when I realize this. I am then, still a human with flesh and blood, not a wonder-woman.

I am encouraged this morning, when I read on Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

I have forgotten this golden rule.

Self-pushing is good; but not too far.

Achieving excellence for God is good; but know that all He desires from me is “to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with Him.

A better person is changed first from the inside.

So I will arise and have a breakthrough soon.

CHANGE! ARISE! BREAKTHROUGH!

Jonah

2008-02-16T12:28:00.001+08:00

I must say Bible is a wonderful book; comprises of motivations, promises, commands and rebukes….

This morning, I read on the book of Jonah in the Bible. What captures me is the last chapter. It is an incident to visualize the right to anger.

The story begins like this:

Jonah was chosen to prophesize against a great city of Nineveh because the people acted wickedly, sinning against God. However, Jonah ran away from God. As he sailed away to flee from God, God caused a great storm, and Jonah was later swallowed by a big fish. There, he prayed to the Lord that he decided to do what God asked. Hence, the fish vomited him out, and out he went to Nineveh.

After he proclaimed on the disaster God would send to Nineveh, the king and people prayed and fasted to show their repentance. As God is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in love, He did not send the disaster unto Nineveh. This distressed Jonah a lot. Jonah was really angry (and I think it coupled with embarrassment as thing did not turn out as what was prophesized by Jonah). Jonah prayed to God to ask God to take away his life.

God showed Jonah something on that day that I believe it must have changed his life…

As Jonah was sitting down a tree, God provided a vine and make it grow to the state the vine provided shed to Jonah. Well, you see, when God gives blessings, everybody likes Him. And Jonah of course, by the very nature of man, was happy for the vine.

But at dawn, God provided a worm to chew off the vine and Jonah was later exposed to the blazing sun. (When God decided to do something else which seems not pleasant to man, people dislike Him) Jonah was angry enough to plead for death from God.

God asked Jonah: “Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?”

Jonah replied: “I am angry enough to die.”

Jonah 4:10-11 (NIV version)

But the Lord said: “You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. But the Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell the right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about the great city?”

This strikes me. The question on “Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?”

I do not have the right to be angry for the situations I was in, or going into.

God has a wider vision than mine. I see what lies in front of me. God sees and knows what beyond the hills and end of the journey.

God sees the need for me to change in my attitudes and characters. It is because He cares of my live, He decided it is better for me to stay in this particular situation. He will not give things I cannot bear of, as what the Bible says:

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Finally, God’s love is for everyone. He never waits, but He comes and knocks on every door, waiting for the owner of the house to open it.

Psalm 33 (NIV version)

1 Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise him.

2 Praise the LORD with the harp;
make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.

3 Sing to him a new song;
play skilfully, and shout for joy.

4 For the word of the LORD is right and true;
he is faithful in all he does.

5 The LORD loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.

6 By the word of the LORD were the heavens made,
their starry host by the breath of his mouth.

7 He gathers the waters of the sea into jars,
he puts the deep into storehouses.

8 Let all the earth fear the LORD;
let all the people of the world revere him.

9 For he spoke, and it came to be;
he commanded, and it stood firm.

10 The LORD foils the plans of the nations;
he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.

11 But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.

12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,
the people he chose for his inheritance.

13 From heaven the LORD looks down
and sees all mankind;

14 from his dwelling place he watches
all who live on earth-

15 he who forms the hearts of all,
who considers everything they do.

16 No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.

17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.

18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

19 to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

20 We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.

21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.

22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.

-THE END-